Domestic violence and abuse are very common in many Latino households, but the truth is, it can happen to anyone. In many cases, the problem is often ignored, excused, or denied. This is the case when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical.

Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship can be very difficult, especially if the person who suffers hides it very well. However, we should also understand that the first step to ending it is to accept it and ask for help. Nobody should feel ashamed of speaking up; like I said before, we are all exposed to some sort of violence. The idea is to stop before is too late. No one should live in fear or succumb to a relationship in which they victimized and hurt. If you find yourself or someone you know in a violent relationship, or if you think you are in one, these are the following warning signs you should pay attention:

1. If your boyfriend calls you constantly to check on you.

I mean, it is okay to worry about your loved ones and wonder what they are doing. But be careful, because that can also be a sign. If you feel that the calls become obsessive and repetitive and become suffocating, you must speak up. Remember that your life, or at least your social life, does not end when you start dating. Don’t allow you partner to dictate where you should be or determine how long you should stay in a certain place. Remember, you were born free!

2. If your boyfriend or husband determines what you should wear.

This is another common sign, but it is mostly ignored. I’ve seen a lot of girls taking this sign as cute and acceptable. Remember that the clothes you wear are a representation of your identity. No one has the right to choose how long your skirt should be or the color of shirt you should wear. Please remember that you are an independent woman, you are free to be who you want to be. You are valuable and have the right to make your own choices. Your boyfriend can give you an opinion, but at the end, it is your choice to make.

3. Don’t ever excuse or accept someone hitting you.

Last sign, but definitely not the least important. In many communities, it is always said that if a man hits you, it is because you did something to provoke them. I can sincerely tell you that I don’t agree with that. No man has the right to touch, no matter how upset they can be. No one who says they love you also has the right to hurt you.

Many girls my age can confuse love and may also confuse these signs with attention. The truth is we all deserve respect and comprehension. Girls, please remember that your life does not start or end when you start dating. In order to be loved, you must love yourself first.