You know how colleges typically say “zero tolerance” for any incidents of sexual misconduct? That’s not true. I was sexually assaulted in a guy’s dorm in my first two weeks of my fall semester as a freshman, Fall 2016.
As someone who has a mental illness already, this added to the stress and issues with my mental illness. I was in his dorm with him before a lab, and he’s never tried anything ever before. The week before, he sexually harassed me in lab and he sexually harassed me in a courtyard. I should’ve learned then not to trust him and keep my distance. I should’ve picked up the signs. He seemed like a good friend and we really hit it off. If I could’ve gone back and not even started talking to him, I would have.
But the next week, we were in his dorm again before lab. He had hinted at sexual stuff through text and I told him no. When I got there, I repeatedly told him no after he kept asking for something sexual. I sat on Facebook and tried to change the conversation to pass time. After I thought I passed enough time, he came at me. No one heard me struggle and tell him no. No one heard me… It was one of the most horrifying and devastating experiences of my life. I was too scared to report it right away, but a week later, I finally did.
It was really hard to talk about and as they sat me down with the Title IX coordinators and did a couple interviews, it never got any easier. I was forced to repeatedly go into detail and explain things several times about what happened. Some of the questions made me cringe and got super personal. They made it all seem so awkward. I didn’t think to pick up on the signs though from the week before as they asked me questions about when we first met and the week before. I dismissed the sexual harassment from the week before as if he was just joking. But the day of the incident, he hinted at something sexual, but I thought nothing would happen, once again. We hung out in his dorm the week before and everything was normal. We just watched Youtube videos and studied a little bit.
Because of this incident, they changed his classes around so we no longer had lab and lecture together for biology. It was hard to see him that week before I reported it. I had never felt so unsafe to be on that campus. I felt unsafe because it took them basically the whole semester to sort this out and come to a conclusion on what they were going to do. You’d expect them to completely kick him out of school for what he did right? Since that’s their zero tolerance policy. He was found to have violated their policies of Title IX. Instead, all the school did was suspend him for a semester. That won’t set him back much with general education classes because of the APs he took in high school. I might be stuck there an extra semester because of credits, but I’m pushing to not. A suspension from the Spring 2017 semester is all the university decided to do as punishment. This is why campus sexual assaults are not reported. Because although they may seem to be taken seriously, they outcome is never in favor completely of the victim. The victim may have access to resources to cope with it, but they never get better, especially having to see their attacker every day or most days around campus. They never follow their policies.
What happened to zero tolerance? We’re taught in one of our classes that any sexual misconduct and they’re completely removed from the university. I have never been so appalled with an outcome. But I stopped fighting it because they repeatedly asked me what I wanted and chose not to follow it. They don’t seem to really care about the safety of the other students, or mine. They seem to only care about the money. But, my answer was simple. “I was taught in class that they would be removed from the university; therefore, I want him removed for my safety and for the safety of the other girls.” The university asked me about five times what I wanted, and every time I gave them that exact answer. What did they do? Just a suspension. Just. A. Suspension. FOR A SEMESTER.
Another policy of the university is they have 60 days to resolve a case, that is two months. You know how long it took them to deal with mine? It happened August 31, 2016. I got a letter with the final verdict of his consequences and suspension on November 30. It took them 3 months to decide on what to do, and by that time, finals were about to start and the end of the semester was near.
I am so disturbed by this outcome and the fact that universities don’t seem to follow their “strict” policies or let alone acknowledge the results of incidents like this. Why not? What is the point of preaching and teaching these policies but you turn around and don’t follow them? You’re putting so many people in danger by doing that. A suspension isn’t enough for what I was put through and had to go through. A suspension isn’t enough when I fear for my safety on campus. I bought a knife that is in the limits of the university’s policy because I feel so unsafe on campus with him there. I would see him when I was walking to chemistry. He would give me a look like he wanted to kill me.
His friends? They had no idea what had happened. Since we had common friends, I told them months after I reported it. They couldn’t believe it. They always knew something was off about him, but they didn’t think he would do something like that. When they heard the outcome of the school’s decision, they were also quite pissed off. I have an army of friends standing by me for support. My family does not know about this except my mother and my father. It was time I shared my story and shared the outcome and process of the how the university dealt with this. Regardless of the outcome, it was still a punishment he received. If you have been sexually assaulted on your campus, PLEASE report it, because no matter what the outcome is, you reported it and they’re aware that it happened.
To my attacker, I hope you choose to not come back to this university ever. I hope you choose to reevaluate yourself and learn that no means no. Otherwise, I have no other words for you.
-A sexual assault survivor
