Divorce will bring about traumatic events that leave us scarred in the same way as a person who has survived combat. In fact, most divorces share similar types of combat, war, and traumatic events and end up the same way… with a loss.
Symptoms are classified into three broad categories. As you look at these, think about how they may relate to the trauma of a long-term, emotionally abusive relationship or terrible, lengthy divorce:
- Re-experiencing symptoms
- Avoidance symptoms
- Hyper-arousal symptoms
Within these categories are:
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
- Feelings of guilt
- Depression
- Emotional numbness
- Sleep difficulties
- Sudden, emotional outbursts of crying or rage
In a true, textbook diagnosis of PTSD, these symptoms must last longer than one month, during which time you must have at least:
- One re-experiencing symptom
- three avoidance symptoms
- two hyper-arousal symptoms
Treatments for PTSD include:
- Psychotherapy
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
- Medication
Experts believe that break-ups are taking a worrying toll on our health
with symptoms such as panic attacks, insomnia and many psychosomatic
health problems and are calling this condition "divorce stress
syndrome".
Michigan State University has recently published research findings from a
15 year study which reveals that those who divorce experience a more
rapid decline in their health than those who remain married. Other
studies suggest that men suffer more long-term health problem if they do
not remarry, whilst women are inclined to suffer more seriously in the
short-term.
Experts say that it is important for women to accept that they may go
through a difficult transitional stage. Some feel that newly-divorced
people go through the same stages of readjustment as those who are
coming to terms with bereavement. Feelings of denial, depression, anger
and acceptance are common but it is important to seek help if the
feelings become overwhelming.
The worries which bombard people who are faced with life without their
partner vary dependent on the age of the individual. For those with
young children their concerns often center on raising their family alone
along with natural feelings of rejection and failure. For older people
it can be the prospect of growing old on their own and feelings of
resentment having given the ‘best years of their lives’. Financial
worries tend to fill the minds of most people facing life without their
partner, especially those with young children.
It would appear that in America the attitude towards the stress suffered
through divorce seems to be one of far better understanding and
acceptance. High-conflict divorce is seen to be so stressful that it
has been reclassified as one of the causes of Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD). Women are twice as likely to suffer from PTSD under
this circumstance having symptoms which include flashbacks, heightened
anxiety, insomnia and psychosomatic illness.
In summary, what may seem like lack of effort, in reality may be a
disguise for the reactions associated with PTSD. The good news is that a
problem like that can be successfully navigated through. If you
believe yourself to be dating a very good person who would be very
compatible with you then have a heart to heart about what you are
struggling with and what you think he or she may be struggling with.
Instead of pointing fingers at each other, you can recognize the discord
for what it really is… a reaction to trauma. If you then can commit to
the willingness to stay with the relationship then you will find
yourself getting to the other side of trauma… communication can become
what you hoped it would be, you can sustain a closeness, and eventually
have that relationship you had longed for.
