If you have any kind of mirror take a look in it.
I do not care what you see; it is beautiful. You are beautiful.
You may see someone who has acne that seems unmanageable. You may see a face you know is there no matter what makeup you wear to make it seem more "pretty." If you have a full length mirror, maybe you wistfully think of a flatter stomach, rounder breasts, or less body hair. Maybe you want a real beard instead of peach fuzz, bigger biceps, or a chiseled jaw. Whatever you have at this moment is beautiful.
At this point, I would like to admit to being a hypocrite.
I can tell all of you guys that you are amazing no matter what you look like and I do believe that to be true. However, I do not believe that about myself.
Transgender individuals experience gender dysphoria.
This is feeling anxiety and unease with oneself when one does not agree with the sex and gender assigned at birth. There are plenty of cases when someone sees a professional psychologist or psychiatrist about these feelings they are diagnosed with gender identity disorder. In some states, it is only through this diagnosis that one can receive medical hormone treatment. In some cases, the hormone treatment that changes one's voice is not enough. These hormone treatments can make some things a little bit smaller and some things a little bit bigger. However, they cannot completely eliminate something or create something from the ground up. For example, if a transgender female starts taking estrogen, her penis cannot disappear through that treatment and create a vagina without surgery.
Now I would like to mention something called "passing privilege." This is when a trans person is publicly identified as the gender they identify themselves with. Not everyone has that privilege. For example, a transgender male may have a haircut and wear a chest binder, but he cannot lower his voice so people still identify him as female even though he identifies as male.
As of this moment, I cannot start hormone therapy and I cannot get a double mastectomy or a hysterectomy. I cannot bind my chest either. I work in a restaurant where people can see a name tag which reads "Thomas", but call me "ma'am." Because of this, I am very self-conscious. My physical appearance always bothers me in some way. I always think that my breasts are too big so I can never really be a man. Maybe even without breasts, will I still look and sound feminine to others? I do not have passing privilege by any means, so what does that mean for me while I am still stuck in a body I wish to change?
It means that I have to learn to love myself now.
Who knows how long it will be for me to get surgeries done or to start hormone therapy. I might not even be able to in my lifetime for all I know. If I cannot change my physical appearance in the way I would like to, I am going to have to live to love myself. My body image can only accepted by me so I have to learn to love myself.
Just as we all do.
