Growing up, I'm sure you've heard more than once that you or someone you know did something "like a girl.” It could have been hearing your gym teacher shout, "Pick up the pace, you run like a girl!" or hearing, "Stop swinging like a girl and put your game face on!" from your brother's Little League coach. But why is it a bad thing for a girl to act in a way deemed "too feminine,” or "not feminine enough?" And conversely, why is it negatively seen as "feminine" or "girly" for a man to cry or be afraid?

While I sadly don't have the answer to those questions, I can tell you that the phrase was first directed at me when I was eight years old and almost a year into my martial arts training. While my sensei's never said anything like that to me, I couldn't say the same for the boys at school. I proudly announced that I had just earned my gold belt in Tae Kwon Do. I was so excited to share my new-found passion, and thought that maybe they'd even find it cool.

But instead, they thought it was cool to mock my training, and told me that I would never last because I was too fragile, weak and small. They believed nobody would take me seriously in a sport that was "meant for boys.” To them I wasn't tough enough, and I never would be. Until then, I hadn't realized that someone could get called out for or be discriminated against on the basis of their gender. I'm not going to lie, it really stung when I first realized that those words were intended as an insult -- it made me feel like I was incapable, and somehow unworthy, of whatever I was being belittled for.

But even though I spent the early years of my journey to black belt getting funny looks or raised eyebrows from adults and other kids, that day at school was when I realized I would need to work twice as hard for the things I wanted. But thirteen years, a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and a brown belt in Shotokan karate later, my opinion of that phrase has changed. Instead of seeing it as a misogynistic insult, I now see it as one of the greatest compliments a woman can receive.

As crazy as it sounds, doing things "like a girl" doesn't have to be such a bad thing, and here's why: women are bosses. They can be moody and overly emotional. They can scream bloody murder when they see a spider, get upset when they break a nail or sob over a good rom-com. But they can also be single mothers, politicians, join the military, be Olympic athletes, doctors, nurses, lawyers, social workers and police officers. They are the only ones who can win both beauty pageants and MMA fights. They are loving and fiercely loyal, and would do anything to protect the ones they love. When they get their periods every 28 days, they get out of bed and go to work all day despite painful cramps, nausea and migraines. They also carry tiny human beings in their bellies for nine whole months despite morning sickness, swollen feet and painful contractions.

While certain female mentalities have unfortunately always been deemed inferior, I do believe that we can start to break that mold by teaching our daughters, sisters and friends that being female truly is nothing to be ashamed of. I firmly believe that true, healthy feminism should not be the equivalent of an anti-men attitude. With that being said, women also should not have to stay silent about causes she cares about, or refrain from speaking up about injustices.

So when she's a little girl, if anyone ever tells her she does something "like a girl," teach her to smile and reply with something along the lines of, "Thanks, I know!" instead of letting herself feel ashamed and embarrassed. Practicing this mentality at a young age will allow her–and her critics–to realize that nobody can tell her that she isn't worthy of participating in an activity, hobby or occupation simply because she has a ponytail and wears nail polish.

Teach her that it's okay to stick up for herself, and that she can say "no" and not feel bad about it. Teach her to never accept someone who wants to change who she is. Teach her that it's okay to take pride in her accomplishments as long as she's also able to accept her failures. Teach her that respect is earned, never demanded. Teach her to accomplish all that she will by poise and compassion, and not by cheating and deception. Help her pick out makeup for her dance recitals and take her dress shopping, but also let her take a few or, in my case, many karate lessons and throw a football around with her guy friends, too.

If you've ever wanted to do or say something that could make a difference, but have hesitated due to the fear of being "out of line" or "un-ladylike,” do it anyway. Do it for yourself, because you can, and because you're not alone. Do it for the women who live in places where so much as showing too much skin is punishable by death. Do it for the women who dream of being teachers, but have no access to a formal education or school books. Do it for the activists and the ones trying so desperately to peacefully repair society's damaged mentalities on rights for women and social minority groups. Do it for women who have survived abuse but haven't shared their stories, and for the inspirational women who have lifted you up when you felt broken. Although I certainly have many amazing and wonderful men in my life, some of the strongest and best people I know are women. I aspire to be just like them one day, and that is why I'm proud of doing it "like a girl.”