I, like most people, enjoy making people happy. However, making myself happy is my priority. For this, I have had people call me selfish. However, living my life without the intention of making other people happy is the reason I am happy.
Either you know a people pleaser, or you are one yourself. Either way, take a step back to think of all the reasons in which what you're doing is unhealthy. Here's some reasons in which people pleasing doesn't work, and why it usually hurts.
A people pleaser will never be able to satisfy someone
It's interesting to me that people think they can actually make someone else 100% happy- when we all know that's not the case. No matter how hard you try, you cannot control someone else's emotions. We are designed to want *more* and wanting more means that whatever you do for someone may not be enough.
A people pleaser expects to be pleased
When you do something for someone, you expect them to do the same thing for you. When you think about how irrational that is, you can possibly see the ways in which you're investing time and energy into something that is not definite. Life is not tit-for-tat, and I did not sign an agreement stating that you doing x for me means that I will do x for you. So- is it my fault for not giving you what you want? Or, is it your fault for expecting me to give you something I do not want to, just because you did it for me? Both faults aside, this belief is irrational.
In people pleasing, no one is happy
The people pleaser isn't happy, because they can't please another person. The victim isn't happy, because they feel guilty in what should be a mutually beneficial relationship.
A people pleaser avoids confrontation
Do I want to wake up and go punch someone in the face? No. But, I also do not want to sit with unexpressed emotions. When I have a problem with someone, I tell them. Of course, a people pleaser would not want to do so, in which makes their relationship extremely uncomfortable. There is no way to resolve problems that you can't admit exist.
A people pleaser is not a person
When you spend so much time caring about what other people think, you lose yourself in those thoughts. You are number one on your to-do list. You are your number one priority. If you actually want to help other people, you have to help yourself first.
