I’ve dated my girlfriend for over two years now, since we met in the latter half of our freshman year in college. Our feelings were clear and we eventually made things official. However, we were clearly one of the strangest couples around. Our nationalities were different, she being Indian and I Dominican, but more importantly our personalities and hobbies contrasted greatly. She was well-spoken and talkative, loved to cook, bake, crochet and many other things. I, on the contrary, was and still am to an extent on the more timid side. I enjoy reading and writing like she does, but I also enjoyed comic books, video games, and martial arts, things as completely foreign to her as her hobbies were to me. How could two entirely different people find themselves so deeply in love and make it last?
Well it’s actually quite easy. Before I met her I wanted someone who was more optimistic than me to keep me smiling, in which she fit the role very easily. But aside from that, I wanted someone who shared the same hobbies as I, to spend hours talking about the things I loved so fondly. What most people may not understand, including me at the time, is that searching for a girl or boy with these lenses not only makes finding your vision of “the one” incredibly specific and near impossible but can also lead to a relationship that has the potential to dry out quickly. That is because both partners have nothing much to discover, already doing and enjoying the same things, only discovering the minute details that make each of them truly unique. On the other hand, relationships with differences can create a life-long journey of discovering and learning. Let’s examine.
The first few months to a year that I dated my girlfriend, I didn’t delve much into her culture or hobbies and neither did she with mine. We were far too busy in the honeymoon phase and after that learning how to be in a long-term relationship as well as finding things we both enjoyed doing. In that phase, we both made changes, such as I going vegetarian with her help and learning to live a healthier, more cruelty-free life, just one example of how our differences bettered us. But beyond that, we did not expand our horizons as much as we could have.
Enter year two. We begin exploring all the things that differed between us. I learned how to bake to make her proud, starting with simple mint brownies and most recently a strawberry shortcake. I learned to crochet a bit to make her gifts and will be learning to cook very soon. She recently started playing video games with me, having a hard time playing the first course at 50cc in Mario Kart at first but then went on to unlock every character and get gold at every 150cc tournament. I’ve been teaching her martial arts which will take years of training to master, and she even asks for the occasional comic book.
Year two was the year our relationship came to fruition, growing more rapidly than ever. While I think that applies to most couples, I believe ours grew exponentially because we wanted to learn about what we both loved, so we can enjoy every moment we had together and make each other proud. Beyond that, we grew as people. I helped my girlfriend face her fears and grow into a stronger individual as my personality rubbed onto hers and she helped me break out of my shell more than ever, where I had more confidence in myself in the trivial situations that frightened me the most. And let’s not forget learning about each other’s cultures and the delicious foods we never thought we’d love so much.
That being said, I still have so much to learn from her and vice versa. Considering that and adventuring into grounds we both have not seen, our relationship has a bright future in which the both of us are continuously evolving and learning. I truly believe that this creates some of the strongest and most beautiful relationships, and I’m thankful that I never met the girl I used to envision years ago. Whom I found was someone much different and infinitely greater, a person who challenges me to grow each day and one whom I can find a new reason to love more each day. What brought us together were the common values and morals we held now and always, but our differences made us stronger. So if you’re out there and single, escape your tunnel vision, and be open to people who have different interests and backgrounds. If you are in a relationship now, look for those differences, embrace and immerse yourself in them. You’ll find it to be a catalyst for new adventures and bring you even closer to your partner.
