Let’s talk about rape! Said no one ever.

But seriously, let’s talk about it. If for no other reason than because rape is one of those things that it’s culturally acceptable to not talk about. Yet consent is a massive question mark for many people.

Think about that for a moment: whether or not someone wants to have sex is a concept that is hard to grasp for people.

Now we laugh, roll our eyes, but it’s actually more complicated than we as a culture like to admit. A 2013 article by CNN detailed an account of male rape. Thinking about this for a moment usually results in one of two responses, the first being: “oh how tragic.” The second being “men can’t get raped because they like sex.” Everyone likes sex, and everyone can be taken advantage of. A few weeks ago I wrote an article about a hypersexual culture, and identity, but today I want to revisit the idea that some people just don’t want sex. Yet the issue of consent is definitely one for everyone.

Let’s start with defining rape, or let’s try to. So what is rape? It’s when someone forcibly has sex with another, right? Well let’s talk about that word forcibly. What is force? A 2012 department of justice blog defined rape as, “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” This would mean that rape doesn’t require physical force, but is merely the absence of consent. By this definition all it takes is to just “not say yes” in order to be a victim of rape. This would mean that someone who is hesitant to answer, or is silent, is not offering consent.

In a society currently exploring gender roles and identity, sex is something that we, as a country, definitely need to talk about. Our sexual education system is failing, but that’s an article for another time.