I wrote this poem during a very hard time of my life when I was struggling with my mental health. It describes what my depression felt like for me. It is not, by any means, meant to represent everyone's experience of depression.

Please stay safe while reading and note that this piece could be potentially triggering to individuals sensitive to topics such as self harm, medication use, depression or suicide.



Depression is
A power outage
In a house with no windows or doors

Depression is
Having a list of your only 3 friends
And calling each one over and over at 2 AM until someone picks up
Because tonight it’s getting bad again
You’re getting bad again

Depression is
Coming to logical conclusions
That test score will ruin your life
That one comment obliterated all your friendships
She’s not texting you back because she hates you
Everyone hates you

Depression is
Having to pin the suicide hotline to your bulletin board
Just in case
Until you know it by heart, forwards and backwards
18002738255
55283720081

Depression is
When your friends get tired of you and all your shit
When they finally decide they’re done helping someone who can’t be helped
When you don’t have any more phone numbers on your wall

Depression is
When the school psychologist calls your parents
Now they have to be around you all the time
They don’t trust you when you’re alone
You’re dangerous when you’re alone

Depression is
A tornado tearing through your life
Destroying your home and every part of you
Violently ripping apart your relationships
Telling you it’s your fault, not his
Depression is you believing him

Depression is
Closing your eyes
Begging for the tears to come
Wishing that just for one moment the medication would stop working
So you can have that release
But instead you feel a sort of numbing force pressing down on you
A sadness so deep that it forbids all emotion
Including itself

That is depression