Relationships are hard. It doesn’t matter what stage of a relationship you are in, they all face unique difficulties. Sometimes it is waiting for a potential match to respond to you on an online dating profile. Sometimes it is the eager expectation of a call after a first date, and trying to find the perfect timing between not seeming too desperate and not seeming uninterested. If a relationship continues up the escalator, you get around to working out wedding plans, stressing over finances, pregnancies, child rearing, retirement and on it goes til death do you part. There will always be some new strain on your relationship on the horizon, even when the seas are calm for now.

If you want to have the best chance for you and your partner to succeed in a relationship in whatever way that you define success, it is helpful to know the love languages of both you and your partner. Have you ever bought a partner a very precious gift and they didn’t seem to appreciate it? Do you ever wonder why your partner doesn’t want to touch you more? Both of these problems stem from having different love languages.

According to author Gary Chapman, affection can be broken down into five basic categories which he calls “love languages.” These categories are physical touch, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. Taking a short survey can help you determine what love languages are most important to you, and help you communicate these with your partner.

If you find that you and your partner speak different love languages, don’t despair! In reality, my husband and I are prime examples of having two completely different love language profiles. I struggled for ages with why he never wanted to cuddle or hold hands with me, and it often left me feeling unloved. If he loved me, I thought, he would be showing it, and this is how I expect it to be shown. What we realized, however, was that he simply didn’t see physical touch in the same way that I did. His top love language was acts of service. In much the same way, he wondered why I rarely brought him a cup of coffee when I went to the kitchen, or helped when he was doing something around the house. Those were the ways that he felt loved, not from touch. After we realized our differences, it was fairly easy to adjust ourselves to show affection in the ways that the other appreciated.

Whether you are looking for a partner to date for a time or a partner to spend the rest of your life with, there are enough things in the world that will seek to get in the way of your relationship. Maybe by learning a little more about Love Languages and how to apply them to your relationship, you can avoid one pothole on the road to a smooth relationship. You can find more on the link above or buy Chapman’s book here.