Thanksgiving is a historical holiday with some historical controversies, but it is undeniably a time of being together and enjoying the company of others. During the days of living at home, every holiday is usually spent with your immediate family, even if its a traveling vacation. However, as one grows up, the holidays aren’t so certain due to situations, location, or other circumstances. So when is the good time and how do you decide that this year you won’t be with your family?

I began contemplating these questions after being in the situation myself. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, and we have meet each other’s families and the families have met each other. I believe we are all on good terms (thankfully) and inquired to him about sharing our first holiday this year. We decided that if so, it would probably be at his place; he lives out of state and the holidays are the only times his family sees him. I was excited at first, but then was reminded that during the Thanksgiving weekend, my family does their annual tradition of going out to get our Christmas tree on a local tree farm. I hoped for a split holiday, but no dice. The traveling during the long weekend would be too much for either family. Stuck, how does one decide where to go?

Currently, I am going to a college in my home state, able to see my family any time if I (or they) desired. However, next year I plan on transferring out of state, and they won’t have the luxury of seeing me on weekends or dropping off care packages anymore. I see them, and they see me, often enough now, but soon it will be gone, and the holidays will become more precious visits when I transfer. So, would it be better to go away for this one holiday while I still live close to home? Also, since my boyfriend’s family lives so far, I don’t have opportunities to bond with them and generally establish friendly relations as an outsider. The holidays are some of the only times I would be able to see them.

However, traditions are a precious thing in every family. Our Thanksgiving tradition consisted of going to my aunt’s house for a dinner and then getting a tree over the holiday weekend. However, last year, my aunt and uncle retired to South Carolina, which is a pricey travel for my family, and we won’t be able to carry out that tradition. This leaves my family with the Christmas tree trip. We’ve visited a Christmas tree farm every year since I was about five and moved into a larger house where we could fit real trees. Even as an adult with my pollen and strange tree allergies, I still love going on the hayride, seeing excited children, and petting the many dogs that are also taken on these trips. But perhaps my mother and father wouldn’t be lonely if I missed this year. My brother (my dad’s son from another marriage) has kids, and my parents, as grandparents, plan on taking them this year to the farm. I would hate to leave my family during this first year of one lost tradition, but they aren’t completely empty nesters with the grandkids.

I’ve never spent a major holiday away from home. Thanksgiving break begins on Tuesday and I still haven’t decided. If you’re in similar trouble, consider the points of my situation:

Where/Who: Where do you plan on spending this holiday? Is it with the family of a significant other or just a group-friend trip across the country? Which is more important to you, and will this alternate opportunity arise again?

Location: How close to home are you currently, and how long have you been close to home? Do you plan on making any big changes in location soon, and does that new location allow you similar if not equal contact with your family?

Tradition: Does your family have annual plans? Are those plans expendable? Is your family sensitive to those traditions and desire your presence?

In the end, I advise to go with your heart. Your family will always be there for you, and if they care, they won’t force you to be at home and loose some worldly experience. A holiday is a time to be together, not a means. Happy Thanksgiving!