From a young age, women are told that they’re worth nothing if they don’t have a significant other. This sentiment is especially geared toward straight women. They’re taught to prepare themselves for being a stay-at-home mother, a trophy wife and a servant. Young women who claim they don’t want children for personal reasons are told they’ll change their mind for a man. Countless women I know talk about how their men feel threatened by their success, how they take on stereotypical female roles to please their man.
I find this crazy.
Granted, if you legitimately want that lifestyle, I have no issue. Female togetherness, especially feminism, is about supporting each other. My issue is with the people who feel like they are obligated to be something they’re not. I have seen too many young girls want to give up on themselves because their families burden them with “you need to find someone to take care of you”s and “why don’t you have a boyfriend yet? you should be getting married before your thirties!” This is just a toxic mentality. You don’t need someone to take care of you in that sense. Most people are strong and fiercely independent and that flame shouldn’t be extinguished because a family can’t get out of their 1940’s mentality. Again, if you want to be a cute lil’ housewife, DO IT! I want to see cute family pics with you in a cute little apron or something! I live for that! But if you don't want that but people are trying to force it upon you: Ignore them. Seriously. Just say nothing.
I am a young cisgender woman, nearly 23 years old, who has big dreams. These dreams include finding a significant other (if I end up with a male, that is) who is not threatened by my aspirations and doesn’t feel emasculated by my headstrong personality. And, honestly, I have accepted that maybe I won’t find that. It’s equally comforting and sad. I shouldn’t have to tone down my “lady boss” attitude and dreams for someone because they feel like they should be the alpha male.
This is why I’ve given up on looking for a relationship.
There’s an age-old idea that if you stop looking, that’s when it comes to you. Honestly? After years of caring about wanting and needing a significant other, I just don’t care anymore.
I’m entering college at 22. I’ll be in the heart of Manhattan. I’m leaving home for the first time. I want to be a head honcho in the fashion industry. Hopefully, within ten years I’ll be doing high-end photoshoot stylings, big name store displays, my own Saks window for Christmas...
The world is in the palm of my hands. I need to work on me. You should be, too. You’re the only person you’re guaranteed to be with your entire life. Achieve those dreams, and find someone after. Someone who will support you, even if you can be a little hot-headed... Your legitimate happiness is priority. I know too many people that focused on the wrong things and absolutely hate their jobs. I don’t want to be that statistic. So, if I’m deep in the concrete jungle and someone finds me, I’ll take the chance. But I’m not going to settle for someone who makes me want to throw away my dreams.
