I want to preface this post by saying how grateful I am that I had the opportunity to spend five weeks abroad in Rome, not to mention all the weekend trips to the rest of Italy, and I wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world. Despite all of the amazing memories I made, I had bumps in the road every now and then and I want to share some of the difficulties that I couldn't have prepared for; difficulties that I had to learn how to deal with thousands of miles away from home.

This past summer I took a leap of faith and jumped on a plane to study abroad in Rome, Italy for 5 weeks. I went with a program outside of my school that recruited college students from all over America, but I didn't know anyone!! I prepared as well as I could: what to pack, what to do, learning a little bit of the language, etc. What I didn't prepare for was how to deal with the overwhelming stress of leaving my whole life behind in North Carolina.

I left for the second summer session (end of June till August), so I got used to being back home from school at Appalachian State University (Roll 'Neers!!) and I was leaving behind my family, boyfriend, friends, fur babies, not to mention that my grandpa had been in the hospital and I would have to leave the country knowing that it would be my last time seeing him.

My last night at home, the final flight into Italy and my first night was the absolute worst. I cried almost nonstop when the realization of being abroad had set in and even though I had been looking forward to it for weeks, I was praying for any reason to no go.

The initial shock started when I was sitting in the JFK airport hauling my luggages since I had to figure out how to re-enter in the international terminal which included fully exiting the airport, walking around oncoming New York traffic, and going through check in and security all over again. Plus, I was on a group flight and I was so anxious to wait an hour or two at the gate with the people I was going to spend the next 5 weeks with.

The culture shock followed quickly after when I was boarding the plane and so many people were speaking Italian and I ended up sitting next to a cute, older Italian couple who tried to make conversation but they only spoke Italian and I only spoke English. I also didn't expect for wine (which was free btw) to be served on the plane as part of the meal service and since I'm underage in America I was to scared to ask for some since I wasn't sure if the law was different on an Italian airline.

I did finally get my legal Italian wine!!

I was so overwhelmed with my first taste of Italy (even from the little things like announcements being made in Italian first before English) and leaving home that I could not sleep on the plane from all the anxiety and sadness that I felt from leaving, but also from leaving my grandpa in the position that he was in and trying to accept that I would probably not be able to come home no matter what even if his situation changed for better or worse. I cried so much on the plane that the couple next to me probably thought I was insane and I drenched my sleep mask in tears and couldn't use it till it dried, and then I would cry again.

I am so grateful for y'all, because without you guys I don't think I would've been able to handle it. You made my experience in Rome better than I could've ever imagined.

Fast forward to barely a week into my program and I wake up to the news that my grandpa had passed. Being alone and dealing with the death of a loved one was so hard especially since I technically had friends there, but since we had only just met it was a big burden to put onto them. I didn't go to class that day and I spent the day holed up in my room to grieve and think about things and deal with the fact that I wouldn't be able to be at his funeral. He had been at all of my events, but I felt selfish for being abroad and not being able to be there for him one last time. The word spread quick to my Italian friends and my friend Julia stopped by as soon as she heard to check on me and give me a hug (that gesture was all I could ever ask for and you don't know what it meant to me ily!). Later that night when I decided that I needed to keep moving with life, I met up with my friends and they were the best possible support system I could've ask for while thousands of miles from home. They surprised me with a desert and helped me keep my mind from dwelling on his passing, but they were always there to listen when I needed to talk.

To my Hudabogi,

I love and miss you everyday and I know that you were with me- experiencing Italy with me. I'm glad that your suffering is over and you're in a better place, and I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye and I couldn't be there for you one last time.

rest easy, you'll always be in my heart.