i wasn't supposed to like you and i most certainly wasn't supposed to love you. i told myself when i agreed to go on this deployment that it was be me, myself, and i. nothing less, nothing more. man was i wrong.

in the beginning, i was skeptical. so many thoughts racing through my mind. deployment fling? another lesson? bored? all of these and more came to mind, but i liked you. we never stopped talking. only saw each other in passing for weeks, but i was so content. you were bringing light back into my life. it didn't make sense. still doesn't honestly.

every time i looked at you, i noticed something new that i liked. it began with the most obvious features. your nose and your eyes. your lovely skin and numerous freckles. these are things everyone could see. i would do this daily and you would always giggle and ask me what i was looking at. i never would respond. just smiled and continued watching supernatural with you. days turned into nights and those turned into weeks. week after week of nonstop laughs, hugs, kisses, and adventures. suddenly, something changed. i couldn't exactly tell you when, but it was the most comforting feeling. almost like a wave of tranquility. such an intense feeling. when i looked at you, i saw more than to what meets the eye. i no longer liked you. i loved you. i love you. the way you squint your eyes when you laugh exposing my favorite feature of yours - the crows feet on either side of your eyes. the way the color of your eyes vary day by day either a sage green with a sweet mixture of honey in the middle or a dash of blue peaking through. i love the way your lips fit effortlessly with mine. the way you "mmm" when i climb into bed and you squeeze me tight. the way your fingers trace mine and leave a lasting imprint. i could go on and on, but you know. i hope you know.

september 5th. we rode scooters all over the city in the middle of the night. it felt endless. it's been my favorite night. i know there's many more to come, but i cherish this one. i hadn't felt that much emotion in my life. i was overwhelmed with love and happiness. above all, peaceful and safe. we rode over to the most beautiful place and sat on that bench. not a single word. just holding each other and admiring the sight. it was time to go and you whipped me around and told me. you told me you loved me. you loved me back. genuinely. i didn't know what to say. my heart burst. i love you. oh how i love you.

i am truly grateful for everything you've done and continue to do. you have reinvented the way i view love. you inspire me to become the best version of myself day in and day out. there aren't words strong enough to describe how intensely i feel towards you. i just hope i can continue to make known how appreciative of you i am and how loved you are.

the future holds so much for the two of us. we'll have it all, but i'll let that unravel by itself. i can tell you one thing about it. this probably isn't the most special way to say something like this, but i was thinking about us today. it hit me. i don't just love you anymore dustin. i'm in love with you. i'm honestly not sure if there's a distinction between the two, but there might be. i think it's what i'm feeling towards you now. you're almost home now, so i better wrap this up so you can pick at me to show you this little messy letter. i might let you read it after you ask 4 times, we'll see.

i love you, always.