I miss you each and every day. I get up every morning, and go to class. I do my homework, and I work hard to stay on top of all my appointments, my to-do lists, my life. I literally have to schedule times to hang out with friends, and it seems that lately, I've had to do the same to spend time with you.
I'm so busy now, with midterms coming up, and rehearsals for the show I'm performing in. I'm so stressed out about everything, even though I know I don't need to be. Mom, I've been trying to use the meditation app you sent me, but I never wake up in time.
I try to eat regularly, but I don't have a lot of time. I don't like to get up early if I don't have to, so I rarely eat breakfast. I don't eat a lot, but I eat enough.
It's so easy to get caught up in what's going on in my little bubble, and it's even harder to think about everything I'm missing. My little brother's getting older every day. He's in football now, and he always calls me to ask if he can play games on my phone when I come home. I don't listen to the radio much anymore, so I'm always surprised when I go home and he's singing his new favorite songs. I miss him every day, and I feel like I'm missing out on him growing up. I want him to stay little forever. I know this is good that I'm here at school, and learning a lot, and doing what I love. But sometimes, I just wish I didn't have to, just so I could spend time with you. I don't want to grow up, but I'm an adult now. In many ways, it's great that I'm going to do all these things, always on the go. I'm going to Minnesota for my summer job, and I'm going to Spain to study abroad, but that means I'll only have three weeks of the summer to catch up on all my lost dinners with you, playing with JJ, talking about my life. I just feel like time is passing so fast, and before I know it, everything will be different.
I'm scared and sad, because I'm so close to you. Sometimes, I just want to go home when the going gets tough, and just pretend I don't have to worry. Sometimes I want to just forget everything and go cuddle with my cats, or listen to Rumbo yell across the whole house, and get JJ some strawberry when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Pretty soon I'll have an apartment, a job, responsibilities, and I guess part of me feels like I'm losing my home: losing you. But I know that's not true.
I want to go home as much as I can while I have the chance, but there's so much to do here, and so much to cope with. I am strong, but sometimes I'm scared of time going by, and not being around, and I try not to dwell on it too long. It's always in the back of my mind, though.
As much as being home is crazy, I miss everything when I'm gone. I miss my crazy brother, my cats, the crazy bird. I miss the jokes, the home-cooked meals, the Redbox movies. I miss the warmth and comfort, because when I leave, I'm on my own.
It overwhelms me, but I just have to remember that you're always there. I can call and tell you about anything going on. I can go home for a day or an hour, because I'm lucky enough to go to school so close by. I can Facetime my brother on his iPad. I'm learning new things, embarking on new adventures, gaining new experiences. This is life, and you've always encouraged me to live it to the fullest, even when I'm afraid. I'm scared and nervous, but mostly excited. With everything going on lately, I've been emotional, and a lot of the choices I make depend on how much time I can spend with you. Some people might think it's because I feel obligated, but truthfully, it's because I love you with all my heart, and I don't want to miss more than I already do.
You've always supported me in everything I choose to do. I know that whatever happens, it's all going to turn out okay. Every day I thank God for blessing me with a family like you. I'll cherish every moment, take every opportunity to see you. Please just know that no matter where I go, no matter how hard it is to leave, I promise I'll always be home soon.