Dear Self, I'm Gonna Love the F**k Outta You.

Dear Self, I'm Gonna Love the F**k Outta You.

You are worth so much more than you think
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Dear Self,

It's taken me awhile to write this, because writing this is so damn hard. Even though it shouldn't be. It should be easy. It should be something I could whip up fast. But it's not. Because for the longest time, I didn't know how to love you. So I ignored you.

I ignored when you asked for food, because I only saw "the fat girl" in the mirror. I ignored you when you needed a doctor. Because I thought I just needed to "toughen up". And I ignored you when you were crying out as I was having panic attacks, and drinking and smoking to just fucking stop. I deprived you of water more times than I can even count. I also let people use you. In more ways than one, because I didn't know what love was.

I'm now here to say I'm sorry and I love you. I am so sorry for abusing you in the way that I did. You didn't ask for any of it. I just did it because I felt so worthless. I didn't feel like I had a reason to live, or felt like anyone needed me. Selfish I know. But my brain spoke words louder than love. And I listened. And I'm so, so sorry.

Dear Body,

You are so perfect the way you are. God made you from scratch and created my soul in the process. God made your curves, your edges, and every beautiful feature I have, to make me unique. I love the freckles that appear on my face during the summertime, because I spend all my time outside. I love how my hair gets lighter and my eyes turn bluer. I love the curves you gave me because it's an hourglass, and that for some reason makes me so happy.

As I look in the mirror, I choose now to replace all those negative thoughts with positive ones. You ARE beautiful. You ARE wonderful. You ARE confident. You ARE sexy. Your place on this earth has a purpose and on days you don't want to believe it, own that shit honey.

Allow yourself to open up, to live, to feel. Don’t hide away, and by all means, don’t let the bipolar disorder and the depression and anxiety define who you are. Because it isn’t. Just like the past, that doesn’t define you, only makes you a stronger person in the end.

Don’t push the ones who love and support you the most, away. They love the fuck out of you regardless of how dark and twisty you are. We all have a dark side darling, and the people who stay during times of trial, are the ones to keep in your life. They want to see you succeed. They want to see you feeling good and taking care of YOU. They will piss you off to no end (especially when you’re choosing to do something stupid like not eat) because they care.

And self, one more thing, anytime you're not feeling like you're worth it, refer back to this article because you ARE worth it. You have a purpose on this earth and you deserve to fulfill that purpose. Don't ever let anyone bring you down about having issues, because it's okay not to be okay.

I love you so much,

Love,

Me


Cover Image Credit: facebook.com/ashton.beals

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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The Life Of A Curvy Girl Is Very Exciting

To every curvy girl out there, share your curves as a positive outcome to your circumstances

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Have you ever noticed in all the magazines, blogs, and TV it shows a thin size woman? In all the entertainment I take in, there was always a skinny woman. It brought down my self-esteem, and I would try to starve myself, yet it doesn't help. However, what if I was meant to be a curvy girl?

Before I go any further, I know that God gave me this body to take of it. But what if I was meant to be this size so, I can touch others who feel negative towards their bodies? For every curvy woman, you are so beautiful!!

Throughout my life, I wasn't thin. I had a gut. I had thighs. I was very unhappy with myself. Yet, I look at the expectations and what people will be happy with. But if there is one thing I realized, its that people are temporary. The naysayers in your life are not set in gold. They will push you to make sure that you're happy with yourself. I truly believe if people look at me weird, that means I'm doing an amazing job with not conforming in the world but transforming in the renewing of the mind. By the way, that's Romans 12:2 in the bible!

When it comes to the curves, I'm truly grateful for them. There are some positives to having a curvy body. For one, when it comes to wearing jeans, it shapes you well. The curves pop and the haters bow down! Other than that, I truly love how I look in jeans! Another positive thing about curves, its that there are amazing clothes for us! I was on Facebook the other day, and I saw a company called Dia&Co.; Dia&Co; is a customized clothing company for plus sized women which has all the styles. When I saw the clothes, I was truly amazed. The colors and the material of the clothes were truly special.

What defines beauty? Is it makeup or having a model's body? Is it buying the most expensive clothes as a statement? I'm here to tell you those are not the definitions of beauty. The true definition of beauty is acceptance. Accepting the circumstances, even if other people say so. True beauty is waking up with a smile on your face for living another day and finding your purpose in life. Beauty is being you!

To all of you curvy women out there in the world, you are truly a blessing. Thank you for standing out of the normal and taking a step to give others the courage to becoming their selves. I learned to treat my body with the utmost respect. I must learn to take care of it and embrace it at the same time. Psalms 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well." So, Instead of me being a worried progress, God made me a working progress, because all things work together for good.

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