There are a lot of new things that are going to happen, and plenty of other things are going to change. Remember that saying you always heard about things in your future being different with the choices you make now? Well, you should have seriously put more emphasis on a different part of that saying than you did at the time.
Instead of worrying about yourself in the moment, you should have been more aware of the things that might (and eventually did) end up changing. It might seem obvious that your surroundings are going to change, but you should also account for how the inside of you is going to change as well.
It's no secret: people hate change. Even young people do not like it when things become different. That change can feel worse when you don't want see it happen because you are afraid of unknown consequences, but you will come to find that that is no way to live. Hearing that things will change is one thing, but going through that change and learning to accept it is completely different.
Talking to new people in a different setting surely is a way to make change happen. Kids who are only children like you usually end up being afraid of big group settings, so a group of with more people than you can count on one hand seems like a nightmare. Remember that saying? Start taking note of that now. You should not try to be comfortable and only do what you know best. That change is coming faster than you expect, and you better take advantage of that by spending time with people who you are not accustomed to.
But you don't.
Instead, you're too wrapped up in the moment. You want to be by yourself because that is what you are comfortable with. Sometimes it makes sense to you, but other times you ask yourself why you are too afraid to jump. Heck, even when you do end up jumping, it hardly goes in your favor.
Maybe you are afraid to jump because what might happen includes things that you aren't used to doing. Where has being comfortable ever gotten anyone? Again, hearing about something and actually going through it are two different things.
By the time you become content with spending time with these people, your fears overtake you. You go right back into your comfort zone, but decide to let your fears be known in an aggressive way. Saying you don't feel comfortable with attending a simple friendly gathering at a house won't make things very easy. That will get people to question you really quickly. The only way you can possibly make things worse is making things more difficult in a setting that you have been waiting all four years of your high school career to get to.
That four letter word for the dance that lots of upperclassmen and women get ready for? Yeah, bad time to make things hard.
Both before, during and after the event.
Remember that thing about the future mattering? That has to have kicked in by now, right?
Nope. More things happen, and it only seems to get worse for you.
So, what is the point of writing about a negative experience during a time where you were largely happy? Why would anyone want to revisit those times when high school seems like it was a decade ago?
Because there are two things I want you, the reader, to understand.
First off, the future is always more relevant than it seems. They say the past is the past, and the present is always important. But make no mistake, the future matters way more than you might think it does. Do not, and I mean do not, spend perhaps the time in your life where the most 'new' things are starting to occur trying to hold on to old habits. Those habits will likely to change once the next chapter of your life starts, and you will have to accept it whether you like it or not.
Second off, never underestimate the people around you. First impressions can never be undone, and trying to play catch-up is a hard thing to do. People can forgive you for your mistakes, but sometimes it is hard for you to be able to tell what is one and what is not, especially when you can't explain some of your choices yourself. Even if the people around you are able to forgive you, the only thing harder than trying to get them to forgive you is for you to be able forgive yourself. Only you can truly win the war with the demons inside you. In any case, you shouldn't try and push those people away in order to write the ending of a chapter you have spent so long writing mostly by yourself.
Because sometimes new characters need to be introduced at the end of a chapter to make the next one even better.
