I normally do not talk about this because it is somewhat of a sensitive topic because of how much I care about my grandmother. When I was a little girl, my grandmother passed away from lung cancer. I can still remember all of the times I'd go to her house and color and play dress up with her. We'd also play "real life" games where I would pretend that I would marry my grandma and grandpa or I would play other games like "Hide-and-Go-Seek" around the house with my grandmother. I had a lot of energy as a child so at times I did not relate to a lot of the other kids my age. It made me feel at ease whenever I would tell her about someone in my class that did not approve of me (for example; spit on my jean jacket) and she knew what to say to me to completely forget whatever was said to and done to me. My grandmother was the kind of person who would walk in a room and light it up immediately. She knew how to make everyone feel happy and at ease. The older I become, the more I realize how relatable my grandmother was and how the lessons she taught to me when I was young has shaped me to be the person I am today.
She was such an incredible person to be around, from the day she found out about her cancer to her last day. I was young when she found out about the cancer and I did not understand as well. I did not understand why all of her hair was gone and what chemotherapy was - I asked and she replied with "I just got a haircut, do you like it? Now I can wear these sun hats!" I started to get involved with music to cope with not really fitting in at school and as an overall interest in music. I would have piano recitals where a few of my family members would show up and my mother would be in the audience recording everything I played on her cell phone so that my mother could play the recordings for my grandmother to hear. My mother told me that she loved hearing me play the piano. Not only that but I would send her drawings at the hospital she was staying in and she would send drawings to me as well. Years later, I found out her last words were, "Tell Autumn that I received her picture".
My grandmother is my role model. Yes, she had her own battles that she was dealing with, but she was such a strong individual that still had the ability to smile at the end of the day. I want to be the kind of person that regardless of what I am going through to at least be able to put on a smile because life is too short to be angry and upset at people. There are many times a day where I would love to be upset with someone but I have realized that most of the time it is not worth the fight - life is too short to hate one another.
What I would give to hear her voice again; to say "I love you" one more time. At this point in my life, I would love to know if she is proud of the things that I have endured or happy of the person I have become. All I have left to say is that I hope I can continue to make my grandmother happy and proud and that she will always be in my heart.
