Last week, I wrote an article about grief, and the unique pain that distance gives to grief. This week, that is still making my heart heavy. I have a tendency to feel very deeply things that don’t immediately apply to me, and I think the depth of it comes from the helplessness and displacement that a distant grief causes.

While still grieving for the fear caused by shootings in Des Moines, I entered this week hurting again for the anniversary of the deaths of two professors in my department. And then the roller coaster of emotions that was Election Day. And though I was certainly already in a place of hurt and weariness, I think that has made my feelings about this stronger and more assured.

Whether you voted for Trump or not, you should know: it is not about Trump now.

I don’t think it ever really was, as much as we liked to project arguments about and caricatures onto both candidates for the last year and a half. (And they weren’t all invalid, but that’s past and it’s not the point I’m going to be discussing.) I think underneath all of those caricatures were bigger truths, bigger realities. After all, I think we all recognize that the role of President is indeed image-based. We all recognize that a leader is more or less representative of what we value.

And as I scroll through news feeds and comments, critical of protests or voicing fears, I realize there are so many different sides to this story. But there are a few conclusions I have made.

I realize that there are hurting Americans who saw hope in Trump. And I’m grieved that they were overlooked for so long.

I realize that there are other Americans who may have voted out of fear and desire for security and complacency. I wouldn’t agree with this, but that would open up a whole other can of worms about my definition of love.

I also realize that I have friends that are truly scared now. And to my friends who are critical of these people, know this: it is not Trump himself that they are afraid of.

They are afraid of aggression. Not just words that can be brushed off as insincere or “locker room talk.” The actual aggression that comes from an environment built on those words. Real, often violently physical aggression that has now been okayed by the leader’s own behavior.

If you don’t believe me—who, as a straight, Christian, educated white woman may be considered to be in a better societal situation—then, for the love of God, listen to them. Their stories. Trump himself is not really the issue. Not directly. Trump’s election has simply revealed a truth that has been real for some time but has now walked into the spotlight—and it’s scary. We do live in a country that fears many things—financial instability, refugees, people of a different religion or race. And, as we’ve seen, fear breeds violence. And this violence has just been legitimized by the leader we’ve put in office.

I understand; many of you were scared. But fear does terrible things, and you need to be aware of it. It causes people to put their needs in front of others. It causes people to hurt others, whether intentionally or not (and sometimes, it proves to be quite intentional).

Maybe it is my own fear on behalf of refugees, who have filled my heart for so long (and, I’m grateful to say, have become my friends). Maybe it was my vulnerable emotional state that made me more inclined to feel others’ fear. But, if I may be so bold, I think it’s that empathy that has been lacking, at least in this particular situation. I don’t think we understand each other’s fear. I don’t know if we always know it ourselves. But I hope (thanks to Trump) that it is now exposed to the light for everything it is. And I hope, through love and listening, we may be able to repent of that fear and build hope.