In light of the recent death of a fellow student at BU, I feel like talking about death is important.
Especially in the last few years, I have seen friends, family, family of friends and more pass away, and each time, the people involved are always told the same thing: "It gets easier." For some people it might, but for me it hasn't. Every day, I think about the people taken away from us far too soon.
We are never ready for someone to leave us forever, but when they do, whether we were prepared for it or not, it hurts -- and it hurts bad.
When my uncle died a few years ago, I was confused. It was the first major death in my family and it was completely unexpected. He was one of the closest people to me, but I could not bring myself to cry. I just sat in silence and didn't know what to do. I thought, Something has to be wrong with me, because I wasn't reacting the same way as everyone else.
Come the day of the funeral, a week after he had passed, I still had not cried. Everyone around me seemed so upset, but I was still stone silent. During the funeral, it hit me. The military personnel who were there started to play "Taps" and I lost it. I could not breathe. It felt like my chest was being crushed. The entire week's worth of pent up emotions all came out in that one moment. I just lost it; that is the only way to describe it.
From that day on, every little thing made me think of him. I seemed to be getting better as time went on. I thought I was going to be OK, until one day I was walking to class and I heard the song "One More Day" by Diamond Rio and lost it again. All I could think about is what it would be like if I could do it over and have one more day with him.
When I got into BU, I was ecstatic, and as I moved in this past fall, I was still happy. I was going to college, one of the top colleges in the country. This was something I had worked for my entire life -- a privilege not everyone has. When my parents left me after helping me unpack all my stuff, I started to think about him. He was a crazy BC fan, and I was always BU. I started laughing and crying at the same time because all I could think about was how much crap he would have given me (sarcastically, of course) for coming to BU, but how in the end it didn't matter because I was his Pickle Girl and he would have been proud of me.
Every day, I walk down the street and something makes me think of him. Not a day goes by that I don't. When I try to talk about him, I still cry every time. It might not be to the extent that I did when we were at his funeral, but it is still extremely hard to deal with his loss.
For people who have lost parents, siblings, family members, friends or anyone who was close to you -- I am so very truly sorry for your loss. Fortunately, with the exception of my uncle, I have all of the people around me who love me and support me on a daily basis. I have both of my parents, two amazing brothers, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle, my awesome cousins -- all of whom are just a phone call away if I miss them and want to talk.
One day, I will have to face a world without some of them, but I am not ready for that. Other people aren't as lucky as I am, because they cannot call their mother, father, sister, brother or whoever it is that they miss the most.
Death doesn't get any easier. It doesn't get easier missing someone, or wishing you could talk to them one more time or seeing their picture. It is like a paper cut -- it hurts just as bad every time you get one. I still miss my uncle Tim like I did when I realized that he was never coming back, and it has been almost four years since he died. 20, 30, 50 years from now -- it is still going to hurt just as bad, and I am still going to want my uncle Pickle back.
But that is OK. It is OK to miss someone, even if it has nothing to do with death. Not being OK is fine! No one can be happy 100 percent of the time. Just know that you have a multitude of people and resources around you that can help you. Even if you don't personally know me, I always have an open ear for anyone, and you can message me!
So today, I present you with a challenge: Go out and tell someone you love them. Let them know how much you care, because tomorrow they could be gone forever and you will have missed your chance to tell them how much you love them.
"Enjoy today because yesterday has gone and tomorrow may never come"
-Alan Coren
