6 Rules To Follow When Dealing With Relationship Drama

6 Rules To Follow When Dealing With Relationship Drama

There isn't any one guidebook to love, but here are some guidelines that should help you manage or prevent issues from reoccurring

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No matter how much we love our partners, there are times when fighting and disagreements are simply impossible to avoid. It doesn't if you've been together for a month, a year, or four years (like my boyfriend and I). Here are a few things to help keep your fights short and civil.

1. Be forthcoming.

If you're experiencing problems then you and your partner need to understand the importance of being honest with each other, even if it means admitting to a lie or a minimized issue that was presumed to be buried in the past. When your relationship encounters a make-or-break hardship it is quintessential that you fully disclose your feelings with your partner. To do anything else or to keep things secret for simplicity's sake will not fix any underlying problems your relationship may have. If anything, the longer you allow growing issues to fester, the more problematic they'll grow to be.

2. Don't be afraid to consider breaking up. 

I know, these words are practically blasphemy, but it's emotionally draining to see friends stay in relationships that aren't good for either participant. Breaking up, especially when it is a one-sided desire, is a terrifying prospect, but it isn't always a bad thing. By all means, work through what you can, compromise, and only come to this once you've exhausted all of your alternative options, but don't disregard it as an impossibility.

(Certainly don't use this as an ultimatum to reach a "compromise" either.)

Behaving as though the relationship you're in will be the only one you'll ever be in is sweet, but it's also idealistic, sometimes there is no working things out and THAT IS OK.

3. Do not go on a break.

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If you're willing to go on a break, why not just break up? All a break does is give you and your partner the safety net of getting back together and the luxury of checking out the dating scene too. Between muddled rules and secret rules you or your partner may have in regard to going on a break, there are just too many things that can go wrong. You're better off spending a couple days apart to think things over, not weeks. Now, this isn't to say that breaks don't work for some people or some relationships. You know your relationship better than I ever will, I've merely reached this conclusion through lived and shared experiences and stories. There are exceptions to the rules and outliers in everything.

4. Don't be intentionally hurtful. 

It is understandable to get a little defensive when people criticize or argue with you, even if they're your partner. What's important is to be mindful of what you're saying. Obviously, try not to swear at your partner (as it never de-escalates fights), don't try to redirect the blame onto them, and don't try to get the advantage of the fight by dredging up moments from the past or rumors. It is one thing to speak your mind and make issues you may have been hiding known, but it is completely different for you to try and use those feelings or previously settled disputes as ammunition against your partner.

5. Apologize when appropriate. 

"I'm sorry" is a phrase that is thrown around left and right. It is one of those sayings that I think is slowly using value, day-to-day, and the easiest way to help it retain its worth is to only say it when it is necessary and when you truly mean it. I've discovered that people, myself included, apologize in lieu of wanting to fully deal with confrontation or conflict. The issue with this is that it tends to leave problems unsolved and can make you angry at your partner. It may hurt your partner to know that you aren't sorry for saying something or doing something, but to some extent, it is better to stand by your actions, especially if what you said or did are perfectly aligned with who you are as a person.

6. Don't instigate more drama. 

It's bizarre, but I've known so many people who feel the need to start or cause drama in their relationships when things get "boring," or feel the need to constantly fight with their partner. It's not fair to your partner to always feel like they're being attacked or forced to always watch their backs out of fear that you might start hassling them. If you're not happy with your relationship sailing smoothing, then odds are you're not happy in that relationship. All behavior like this does is add an immense amount of conflict, loss of trust, and general turbulence that lead to problematic relationships.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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14 Honest College Things The Class Of 2023 Needs To Know ~Before~ Fall Semester

Sit down, be humble.

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To The Class of 2023,

Before you start your college career, please know:

1. Nobody...and I mean nobody gives a shit about your AP Calculus scores.

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" I got a 5 in Calc AB AND BC, a 5 in AP Literature, awh but I only got a 4 in AP Chem"

2. THE SAME GOES FOR YOUR SAT/ACT SCORES + nobody will know what you're talking about because they changed the test like 10 times since.

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3. College 8 AMs are not the same as your 0 period orchestra class in 12th grade.

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4. You're going to get rejected from a lot of clubs and that does not make you a failure.

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5. If you do get into your clubs, make sure not to overwhelm or overcommit yourself.

visual representation of what it looks like when you join too many clubs

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6. It's OK to realize that you don't want to be pre-med or you want to change majors.

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7. There will ALWAYS ALWAYS be someone who's doing better than you at something but that doesn't mean you're behind.

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8. "I'm a freshman but sophomore standin-" No, you don't have to clarify that, you'll sound like an asshole.

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9. You may get your first ever B-, C+ or even D OR EVEN A W in your life. College is meant to teach you how to cope with failure.

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10. Go beyond your comfort zone. Join a theatre club if you're afraid of public speaking. Join an animal rescue club if you're afraid of animals. College is learning more about yourself.

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11. Scholarships do exist. APPLY APPLY APPLY.

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12. Don't try to brag about all the stuff you did in high school, you'll just sound like a weenie hut jr. scout

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13. Understand and be sensitive to the fact that everybody around you has a different experience and story of getting to university.

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14. You're going to be exposed to people with different opinions and views, don't fight them. Instead, try to explain your perspective and listen to their reasoning as well.

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