To The Guy Who Thought Sexual Harassment Was OK, #NotOnMyCampus

To The Guy Who Thought Sexual Harassment Was OK, #NotOnMyCampus

College is all fun and games, until you have to go home because you don't feel comfortable out with your friends.

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To the guy who thought sexual harassment was OK,

You said you needed help calling your roommate. I said I could help. Please notice I did not give you permission to grab me in any kind of way.

But you did.

You were drunk.

I understand that you lose social cues and body control at a certain point, but you were not at the point yet. You tried to put your finger in my back pocket, but I immediately removed it. You asked if that was too much. You knew it was, but you asked anyway. I told you it was too much.

You shot your shot, and I turned it down... But that did not stop you from progressing. Instead, you grabbed me by the waist and leaned into my ear. I thought you were just about to tell me what to say if your roommate answers the phone. That was not your intention. Instead, you told me how beautiful and feminine I was, and then tried to kiss me. My face was completely to the side trying to avoid your lips, but you still did not stop. You kept trying to lure me in and even kissed my cheek with your tongue. You asked for my Snapchat, but I said I did not know you. You snapped back with a clever "I didn't ask for your number." I pushed away with nervous laughter.

I took a big step towards my friends, but you did not like the distance between us.

So you fixed that, by grabbing my back belt loop and pulling me by your side.

You were making it very clear what you wanted, but so was I. You continued to put your whole hand in my back pocket and feeling up my butt cheek. I told you earlier that a finger was too much, what made you think caressing my butt was OK? You even tried to take my jeans out of the equation, but I grabbed your hand and held it by my side before you had a chance to touch my skin. You got upset. You called me "baby," and you were mad that I was shutting you down.

During this whole interaction, I could not stop with nervous laughter.

What do you do in these kinds of situations?

Where is the line of "too far?"

As soon as my friends noticed I was mouthing "HELP," they used the excuse of a girl's trip to the bathroom. We lied, and instead of taking a right to the bathroom, we ran to the left to find an exit. We sped walked all the way home. I was too scared to turn around to check if you and your friend were following us home. The whole walk home, we wondered if you even had me calling your roommate, or if it was a ploy to get my number. No matter if it was your roommate, I blocked the unknown number. I did not want you having a way to contact me.

Why did you try so hard?

What about that whole interaction made you think I would want to go home with you?

I did not see you the whole party. I was not flirting across the courtyard. I was not wearing anything scandalous. I did nothing. So why must you ruin the fun for us girls? What happened was not even bad. But that is the worst part, isn't it? That a girl getting felt up by a stranger, and that is not even bad. What a sad and rapey culture college is nowadays. It is not cute. It does not make you more of a man. It only makes you an a**hole. Have we forgotten how to politely have an interaction with someone of your preferred sexuality?

College is all fun and games until you have to go home because you do not feel comfortable out with your friends. Let's be the generation who stands up to people who think it is okay to take advantage of someone.

#NotOnMyCampus

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We've Got To Do Better For Our Sexual Assault Victims

"As far as whether I was satisfied with the outcome, it's hard to say. I felt like I was known as either a victim or a crazy person for a long time."

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College: the time in which a young person can spread their wings and begin the journey of finding out who they are meant to be. It is in fact, probably the first time most are on their own.

It can be an exciting time; students are given more responsibility and really feel in charge of their lives. They make lifelong friendships, have late night adventures, and eventually graduate to get a degree in their chosen field.

When it comes to the well-being of students, parents easily put their trust in their child's university, and I understand why parents would do that. After all, it is not unreasonable to have the expectation that universities will ultimately protect their students who have been victimized, especially after an investigation was conducted and the perpetrator had been found guilty.

An Evangel University student, who will remain anonymous, was assaulted by another student. Her relationship was abusive; she was pushed to do things that she did not feel comfortable doing.

She said no. She pushed him off. Yet, he continued. She stayed in the relationship even though she had a difficult time trusting him. At this point, you could be asking yourself why she didn't leave.

She didn't leave because of the fear of what life would be like without him; she didn't want to believe that he was as bad as his actions portrayed him to be. That is the thing with guys like him; they break down your walls, manipulate you to believe that you are nothing without them; they keep you hanging on in some way or another.

Finally, almost a year later, and much prayer and consideration, she decided to report it to the school. She said that the school was helpful and understanding in the process.

A Title IX investigation was conducted and he was ultimately found guilty. The administration decided not to suspend him, and he was allowed to stay on campus the following summer.

After all of this, she was told that she needed to stay quiet about what had happened; it was something she kept to herself until she felt she no longer could. She sought wisdom and guidance from our counselors and our campus pastor and they were so helpful during this time.

Today, while she is not fully healed, she can say that the Lord has guided her through this and that whatever consequences come to her perpetrator she believes will come from the Lord. While she is continually healing from this event, her goal moving forward is to champion on other women that have or have not been through something like this. While this is something that no college student should have to experience, she firmly believes that because of this experience she is able to relate to other women who have gone through this.

Yes, she had the support of her counselor and our campus pastor, but she was mostly left to pick up the pieces knowing that the university had done everything that they were going to. She truly deserved better. She didn't deserve to feel like she was a crazy person. She deserved to have someone truly take her seriously.

The thing is, this is not the first time sexual assault on my college campus has been mishandled. I know of at least one person per year over the last four years who reported sexual assault and it was mishandled. Chances are everyone on campus knows someone who has been victimized, whether they realize it or not.

At the end of the day, all I really want is for my university to do better. It's not a perfect university and nor am I asking it to be one; all I am asking is for them to do better.

I just want to say a huge thank you to the brave person who allowed me to write this. Your courage and willingness to speak out inspires me constantly. I am so proud of you, and if anyone else who has been through this. You did not deserve what happened to you or the way that you were treated afterward.

If you have been affected by this, there are lots of great resources you can connect with

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 800-656-4673. If you have been victimized, please do not hesitate to reach out to a friend or by calling The National Sexual Assault Hotline. If you don't feel comfortable reaching out to a friend just yet, that is perfectly okay.

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You Don't Get To Tell Me To 'Get Over' Being Sexual Assaulted

What you should, and shouldn't say when your friend says they were sexually assaulted.

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The society we live in today, as unfortunate as it is. Is a rape culture society. A society where kids and adults use the word "rape" jokingly and don't take the topic seriously. One in four women and one and six men are sexually assaulted by the time their 18 years old. What many people don't understand, is just how hard it is to open up about it. When someone does, you may wonder, What do you do? How do you help? What do you say?

There will always be things that survivors are, or are not comfortable opening up about. Regardless, to anyone, there will always be "harmless" comments that are actually hurting these survivors.

I'll be the first to admit, I was that girl. When I was 16 years old. I never told my mother. After numerous people told me, "It was probably your fault," "You deserved it," "You're probably lying," you tend to go numb. Although I am stronger now and made it a platform to educate and help others-many others cannot say the same, and will be affected by it for their entire lives.

So, please, when your friend, neighbor, roommate, classmate or anyone else opens up to you about her assault, please, watch what you say.

1. Believe them.

Only 3% of rape accusations are fake according to some data. With courage and pride, it takes a lot to tell someone about a sexual assault or abuse — please. Believe the person.

2.Don't criticize the actions leading up to the assault.

Don't ask what they were wearing. Don't ask who it was. Don't judge them.

3. "You should have reported it!"

Sixty-eight percent of rapes go unreported according to some studies. Even when reported, it is rare that the rapist will serve prison time. For many, whether it be due to knowing therapist or not wanting to harm another person, after an assault, you're likely not.

4. Don't tell us to get over it-

Everyone heals differently. My healing process may be a week or two, yours may be a day, and that girls' from bio could be two years. Trauma heals differently. Let everyone heal how they need to.

5. Don't compare stories.

"At least you weren't raped at a party, it was your boyfriend/friend." Absolutely not. It's a given, don't be a bitch and one-up someone opening up to you.

6. Don't ask why I'm so "OK talking about it."

Again, everyone is different. One person's ability to calmly discuss and help others is not going to be everyone's case. Many will not heal quickly, some ever.

7. Don't ask me why I've put off hanging out with you for awhile.

I may have healed, and I may be okay and have had relationships since. But, that doesn't mean I won't be hesitant.

8. Don't catcall me.

This is traumatic for anyone. But for survivors who may have been raped or assaulted at a party or bar, this could bring up memories.

9. You were married/dating, it doesn't count.

It just doesn't work that way. Rape is rape. In any situation.

10. "You've done bad things too"

Yeah, you're right. I have. But nothing even close to sexually assaulting someone.

11. "You've slept with other people though? It must not be that bad..."

You have to heal, you're going to end up fine. This one is just bitchy.


So, what can you say? How can you help? It's easy. Here are some things you can, and frankly should say to a survivor

"This wasn't your fault."
"I believe you."
"What do you need? How can I help?"
"You can talk to me when you're ready"

Overall, nothing can help someone heal at a faster pace. Again, everyone is different. While some girls may never shed a tear about it and use their story to help others, some may never fully heal. So understand that there isn't a magic fix. Support from someone they know is there for them could be the best thing at this moment. Finally, remember that no matter how terrible you feel about it, just know the individual that experienced it feels much worse.

If you or someone you know is or has been affected by sexual abuse or assault and need help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

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