If I gave you the opportunity to put an end to sexual assaults and rapes would you do it? What if I told you that ending sexual assaults does not mean donating money or volunteering time or creating some master plan? As individuals, as a community, and as a country stopping sexual assault is 100% in our control. While other issues, such as war or environmental changes, may be out of our reach, this one isn’t. It all starts with changing our perception of sexual assault and changing the way we talk about rape culture. Nothing happens in a vacuum. The society around us influences our everyday thoughts, habits, and behavior.

The issue is that people hesitate when it comes to discussing and reflecting on rape culture. Many people who hesitate happen to be males who believe that rape culture puts an unfair blame on their shoulders. They’ll say things like “I have never raped anyone” and “I know that rape is a bad thing, but I didn’t do anything, so why should I be responsible for doing anything about it?” All men and women in our society have a responsibility to make an effort. Everyday things like street harassment, gender norms, and the media are contributing to rape culture.

Rape culture refers to a set of cultural practices that allow sexual violence to happen and excuse it when it does. We all know that our society does not outwardly promote sexual assault. Rather, we are referring to cultural practices that excuse sexual violence. We’re talking about the way we collectively think about rape. Rape culture is popular music being played on the radio, in commercials, and in movies that tell women “you know you want it” because of the “blurred lines” of consent. It is a judge who sentenced only 30 days in jail to a 50 year old man who raped a 14 year old girl and defending his actions by saying that they girl was older than her chronological age; mothers who blame girls for the pictures that they post and the clothes that they wear leading their sons into sin, instead of teaching their sons about their responsibility; journalists who substitute the word “sex” for “rape” as if they have the same meaning; sexual assault prevention education programs that focus on women being told to take measures to prevent rape instead of teaching men that it is not okay to rape… and so on. These are just a few of the prime examples of rape culture in our society. They are things that many people look past but they are things that need to change.

People from my home town have been sharing a post about sexual assaults that took place on college campuses. When I was reading some of the comments that they were making, I was shocked and confused. One girl noted that this was the reason that she wanted to stay close to home. She says that she’s a small girl so she’d be an easy target. Rape and sexual assaults happen everywhere and to anyone, regardless of how close to home or small someone it. Additionally, another person made the statement that if we just would get rid of greek life, sexual assaults would stop happening. All sexual assaults to ever be recorded have not all been related to greek life. Men and women of all backgrounds commit sexual assaults.

A lot of people seem to have a preconceived idea about what happens when someone is raped. They think that it is always a male who sexually assaults a girl, who may be wearing certain clothes and who may have been drinking a lot that night. Most people think that sexual assaults take place between a man who did not previously know the girl. People think that after it happens it’s as simple as reporting the issue and the problem will be solved. The thing about sexual assaults is that they all occur for different reasons, in different situations, to different people; therefore, the survivors all handle the events differently.

Part of the problem is that we don’t talk about sexual assault until it happens to someone that we know. We don’t think about it or consider the implications until it becomes real. But at that point, it’s too late. Someone you know has already been hurt. People need to become aware of these issues before it happens, not after. Sexual assault is not a women’s issue, it is a societal one.

With that being said, I think there are a few things that we all need to understand about sexual assault.

Stop saying that sexual assault is usually just a misunderstanding. 90% of campus rapists are repeat offenders, averaging nearly six victims each, and they often go undetected. If we continue to have this attitude that it was all just a miscommunication, a misunderstanding, or a drunken mistake, we are giving power to the perpetrator. We are telling them that it is okay. We are letting them know that when it all comes out, they can just claim that it was a misunderstanding. This is not okay. Sexual assaults tend to be a series of calculated decisions, which is the exact opposite of a misunderstanding.

With that in mind, I want you all to realize that the idea that it is usually strangers who commit sexual assault is completely false. The idea that you have in your head of a strange man jumping out of the bushes when you walk home is not usually the way it happens. Yes, this occurs, but far more often sexual assailants attack people that they know. On college campuses, 80-90% of sexual assaults involve students who know each other.

No one ever asked to be raped. No matter what someone does, they did not put themselves in a position that made it okay for them to be raped. The way someone is dressed, the amount that someone drank, or the level of flirtatious behavior that they have is not an invitation to be raped. Stop saying things like, “She was asking for it in that skirt” or “She wanted it.” This concept also needs to be applied to the way we talk to victims. If someone tells you that they were sexually assaulted the first question that you ask them should not be what they were wearing.

And on the note of someone telling you that they were sexually assaulted, if someone comes to you with information like this, believe them, because, newsflash, people don’t lie about sexual assault reports. Only about 2% of reports are false. People don’t lie about the horrors of sexual assault and rape. Trust me. Many sexual assaults are never reported because people are so uncomfortable, embarrassed, and scared. People don’t report sexual assaults because they don’t think that people will believe them. This comes back to the idea that sexual assault and rape culture is everyone’s problem. We need to make our environment and society more aware and have the ability to help these victims.

Lastly, for the cases that are reported, they don’t always end the way we would have hoped. Only 10-25% of men found responsible for sexual assault are expelled on college campuses. This is just the men found responsible, many more never face charges at all. Additionally, only 3% of rapists ever serve time in jail, and most of them do not serve their full sentence.

I wish it wasn’t true, but sexual assault is a topic that needs to be talked about and we all have a responsibility when it comes to the rape culture in our society. It is not enough to just make the statement that you are against sexual assaults or that you yourself would not rape anyone. Take action on your campus, at your work, in your neighborhood to make an effort.