When you hear OCD, you probably picture someone who is very organized and always has a clean house. However, the effects of OCD aren't always so glamorous.
Unless you have OCD or know someone who does, it's likely you probably have a hard time understanding what it is. OCD is like a tick or a voice in your head that you have to do something or bad things will happen. It kind of sounds like something you'd have if you believe in serious karma or luck rituals or something. I've always thought of it as more of a strange phenomena that people who have really bad anxiety or who are very timid seem to have.
OCD is finally recognized by many workforces as a true disability. It can take over someone's life to the point where they are unable to work, or even leave their house. I've never been nearly this bad but I've been a lot more worse than I am now.
It started with something simple, walking home from school. The sidewalk I'd walk home on every day has sidewalk blocks that I could take exactly two steps in if I wanted. Even if I had to really stretch my legs, I began taking two steps a block, doing this every day.
I'd start to feel like I needed to count things and touch things a certain number of times. For example if I picked up a hairbrush and gripped it for the first time, I'd have to grip it with my other hand. If I didn't, it'd feel like my other hand was "dirty" and I needed to make them feel "even." I would pass the brush back and forth between my hands several times until I felt I had made my hands equal, and had done it enough.
The sense I needed to do things certain ways or so many times followed me everywhere. I'd have to retrace letters at school and re-do steps on the playground, come home and waste time doing homework playing with my school supplies, and would have to arrange my food certain ways on my plates.
When you have OCD, it's not that you feel like you're going to have a good day or good luck if you follow these rituals. It's more like you feel that if you don't do them something bad could happen because you didn't "care" enough or "didn't spend enough time worrying". If I touch my steering wheel a certain number of times, I don't do it because I think it'll cause me to go somewhere where something good will happen. I do it because I feel that if I don't I or a loved one could get in a wreck and I'd feel guilty because it could be partially my fault.
The whole cycle of OCD is really maddening if you let it get out of control. It's important to talk about it to someone willing to listen and who can help talk to you about not having to follow through with every urge so you don't feel guilty, because you shouldn't!
I'm fortunate that I'm not as affected by it as many people. Still, it's a thing I deal with every day and I have to either distract myself from it or occasionally give in, using up my time and energy just to hope I feel normal after these little episodes. If you notice a loved one or friend seems to have tendencies of touching or doing things a certain way, don't be afraid to ask. Chances are, they'll be relieved someone cares enough to ask.
