As someone with an anxiety disorder, I know first-hand how difficult it can be to live with being constantly anxious. Some anxiety is completely healthy—it’s a natural gut feeling that can aid people in deciding whether something is good or bad, stressful or non-stressful. Anxiety usually fluctuates depending on the situation, stress levels, and temperament of a person. However, those who have an actual anxiety disorder the anxious and sometimes paranoid feelings rarely stop. This can be extremely detrimental to functioning in daily life. Luckily, with the help of some awesome psychiatrists and psychologists, I have gotten to better know my anxiety, and I’m able to cope with it. This doesn’t mean, however, that I do not experience anxiety anymore—but it is easier for me to find some of the humor in my attempts to live like a “normal” (a very relative term) human being. Here are a few things I experience on a daily basis, a la my anxiety.
1. Talking to people on the phone makes me want to die.
Sure, I can do it if I have to. And this is life, so of course I have to. But it doesn’t stop my stomach from clenching up into a knot, and my wishing to be doing anything but dialing a phone number.
2. If I ever call you by the wrong name, just know that I’m crumbling into a million pieces inside.
It’s more than just normal embarrassment. Its earth-shattering, oh-god-why-was-I-born, I’m-the-worst-person-alive embarrassment.
3. I am forever the designated Mom-Friend and Party-Wallflower.
It’s fine, really. I usually prefer it that way. I can give my heart a break from its palpitations.
4. If anyone looks at me, ever, I am positive they are judging me.
A glance from a coworker? Judgement. A smile from a stranger on the street? Judging. A car is driving at the same speed at me? I’m not looking at them, but they’re definitely looking at me, and they’re judging me.
5. Oh no! I have a bruise, and I can’t remember where I got it. Its official, I have some sort of terminal disease.
Farewell, world. Parting is such sweet sorrow.
6. Okay, I know I’ve checked 6 times, and my phone is in my actual hand…. But did I forget my phone?
This one is literally ridiculous.
7. I sent my friend a text ten minutes ago, and she read it and never responded. Oh god, I said something wrong and now she hates me.
PS: the text is most likely something like “I like Jalapeño Cheetos better than Hot Cheetos.”
8. God forbid if anyone tries to make conversation with me; I will be so scared of talking that I’ll blurt out something absurd.
I don’t even want to give examples for this one, because I’d like to keep at least a little of my dignity.
9. If I ask someone anything at all, I’m obviously being either really pushy or extremely bothersome.
This goes for questions in class, questions to my boss, or even questions to my parents.
10. I know you just asked me to hang out, but I’m not actually sure you really want to hang out with me.
Can you confirm? Double confirm? Is this 100 percent the plan? Are you pranking me?
11. Good luck getting a good night’s sleep, Self, because my thoughts will haunt me until four in the morning.
Remember that dumb cringe-worthy thing I did in middle school? What if I hadn’t done that; would my whole life be different? Would it have changed the space-time continuum? I’ll never know!)
12. One bad grade on an assignment? Well, life’s over now. Might as well quit and become a sheep herder somewhere.
Quit while you’re ahead and having a mid-life crisis at the age of 20, am I right?
13. A group of people are vaguely nearby and they’re laughing. Guess what? They’re all laughing at me.
It doesn’t matter if they aren’t even looking at me, and I’ve never seen them before. They’re laughing at my aura, its happening.
Clearly, I recognize how silly this list sounds. And yes, it is silly! And it’s good to laugh at myself, but only after my intense anxiety over the situation has faded. It’s hard to not be able to control the emotion you’re feeling, but it helps to talk about it, and attempt to normalize it. Life is tough, and we all have things to deal with, but none of us are alone in our experiences. If you have anxiety, I understand how you feel, and I want you to know that you can experience these things and still succeed in what you want to do and be in life. Push through it, get to know your anxiety, and befriend it! It’s easier to deal with once you’ve accepted that it’s a part of you, and you’re determined to make the best of life.
