Welcome back to the discussion about a topic that you assume is about a 1996 movie when in fact, the topic in question is all about PSYCHOLOGY! Here’s a scenario: you are really attracted to this one guy/girl but in one instance, you are alone and talking to them while in the other you are surrounded by close acquaintances that actually have an effect on your behavior when situated around them. Which one will end in a happy ending?
Hold on, this is not a piece of erotic fiction but it does pose a good point: why do our surroundings dictate our behavior on an unconscious level? This stems all the way back to a more primitive mindset such as when humans were first starting out as Otzi in hunting & gathering social economies. When entering new and unknown locations to hunt, there was an eerie feeling in the air (probably the smell), so the Otzi developed the mechanism to tighten the body’s core, increase skin resistance, and be ready for fight-or-flight at a second’s notice. Fast forward to the age of red holiday coffee cups and in our example, the environment changes from scenario to scenario: one with many acquaintances and one without. Usually, the more freaky stuff happens when people are not around because of the belief that we are to conform to social norms (which I think are the most stupid superficiality since the bread box).
Compounding the problem is the number of people around you and the degree of interaction that you have with them. If you want to be a better person intimately, realize that the interaction between you and the other person exists on a level that is independent of all other timelines in the universe. Have an internal locus of control because you are the one who can dictate how these “peace negotiations” go. If anything wrong happens: learn one of the few defense mechanisms of projection, displacement, etc. and keep it in your back pocket. Understand that dating is a blunt game of psyche: guys DON’T, and I repeat, DON’T pick up on subtle cues that girls send out with their body language, lips, eyes, hands, feet, and/or hair. We aren’t able to comprehend those things because (a) we don’t know you are sending us a signal in the first place, and (b) there is no guarantee that we will interpret the cue correctly.
Do you know why girls/guys don’t want to go back to your house on the first date? You have the advantage if you do because the environment is known and familiar to you. Viewed from the other party, they don’t know that if in your closet you have a cheese knife or an oversized luggage suitcase. When you factor ambient out of the equation, really there are three entities at play: you, them, and the environment in which all this is socially facilitated. One big thing that is a hindrance to relationship development is conformity, but you see a large decline of the want for conformity leaving the high school society and entering the college realm. People compound conformity expectations, along with a different environment. When going on your first date, strangely enough, you should pick a place that both you and they are comfortable with/have been to prior.
This is not only relevant to dating, do you know why you are so nervous for a job interview at a new location? Chances are that you have never been to their office and you’ve been thrown off your game. Why is it so hard to focus in a class that is held in a different room that usually scheduled? Same thing. You want to be thrown off to the point of complete confusion? Go to an IKEA showroom. Also understand that you are not the center of attention in the world: the spotlight effect doesn’t exist and shouldn’t exist in your lives anymore because it just creates anxiety. I’ll leave you with one more tidbit of psychology (because I am a good person): men tend to have a higher ratio of Type-A to Type-B personalities whereas for women the opposite case is observed. This means that men blatantly ask for what they want most of the time instead of playing hard to get or speaking in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. I’ll leave you with that fishy philosophy, and remember to use psychology to your advantage.
