Hey.
I don't give you enough recognition, and I don't think I will ever be able to give you enough of it, but I can sure as hell try. So here I go.
It isn't easy dating me, and I know it. I get angry about plans changing, I absolutely hate pumping gas, I refuse to take multiple trips when carrying in groceries. I send 7 texts in a row, and if you don't answer my phone call, I will call you until you pick up. If I wake up before noon, don't have any caffeine or haven't eaten in three hours, I will be more cranky than a 5-year-old without a nap. My anxiety, panic attacks, random crying, stress, constant fatigue, and whining are probably the ugliest things about me. But you have never called them ugly. You've never called me anything less than perfect.
I don't know how you do it. Sometimes, I can't even stand being me, so how do you standing being with me all the time? And it blows my mind, because not only are you constantly with me, but you put up with me.
When I feel alone, you hold my hand.
When I'm nervous, you remind me how strong I am.
When I'm afraid, you assure me there is nothing to be afraid of.
When I'm crying, you hold me.
When I'm blowing a situation out of proportion, you size it back down for me.
When I am falling apart, you remind me that I'm better than my mental illness, and you push me to get through it.
And this isn't like it's unhealthy; like without you, my life would completely fall apart and I wouldn't have a reason to live. It's not like that at all. You let me take care of myself, and give me motivation and a reason when I can't seem to find one myself. When I feel weak, you remind me I am strong. When I am lost, you calm my nerves so I can see the path. When I lose hope, you remind me of how far I have come, and the places I will go.
Sometimes, I look at you and I think "He's so great. Why does he stay around me when I can't even keep myself together? He deserves so much." and every day, you answer that question. It's because you love me.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
My anxiety, my flaws, my crying and my stress can never win when you're around. Somehow, you turn my world upside down and prove that the lows in life are only temporary, and you will forever create the highs in life.
And I'm right. You do deserve so much, because you give so much to me.
So, hey.
I don't think I will ever be able to give you the recognition that you deserve.
But this sure is a start.
