The Date Party Dilemma: The Unreasonably Frantic Search for the Perfect Date

The Date Party Dilemma: The Unreasonably Frantic Search for the Perfect Date

In Greek Life and stressed about date parties? Don't worry, you're not alone.


For those of you who are strangers to Greek Life, let me introduce to you, in my opinion, one of the most unnecessarily stressful aspects of being in a sorority or fraternity: the date party.

A date party is exactly what it sounds like: a classic event that typically involves an off-campus venue, semi-formal attire, and that's right, you guessed it, bringing a date. Or rather, in my case, frantically searching for one.

Of course, I cannot speak for everyone, but being that I'm a shy college freshman with a limited amount of guy friends, the simple phrase "date party" gives me heartburn (and at the ripe old age of 19, too). As my chest pains become more persistent, I'm starting to question why I've turned something that's supposed to be fun into something that brings me an unreasonable amount of stress.

For one, I'm afraid that every guy I ask is going to say no. In other words, you could say that I have this wonderful thing called the fear of rejection. This isn't surprising, considering that most people do as well. But this is an extremely real fear. The very thought of asking someone, just for them to turn you down, is scary, heart wrenching, and intimidating; and like most fears, I'm learning how to overcome this.

Although one or two boys I might ask may turn me down, it's pretty illogical for me to think that there isn't a single guy at UCLA who wouldn't want to accompany me. There are 40,000 people at this school - and assuming that half are male, I, in theory, have approximately 20,000 options. That's not too bad. I also need to realize that I shouldn't be upset over the fact that someone may not want to go with me - why would I want to spend time with someone who wouldn't want to spend time with me? Rather than dwelling on rejection, I should be eager to find someone else who actually wants to have fun with me.

A second issue that I have with date parties is that I tend to overcomplicate what it actually entails. In my naive, freshman mind, I tend to believe that the terms "date party" and "friends" are completely independent of one another. For some reason, I have convinced myself that if I ask someone to a date party, they have to "like me" or be at least somewhat attracted to me, very middle school of me, I know.

Instead, I need to recognize that two people can go together as friends, and as a result, not expect anything from one another. Two people could also go as more than friends, but this doesn't mean that expectations have to change. You don't even have to take a date, and instead, enjoy the night with your sorority sisters. When you begin to take away the assumption that date parties will automatically lead to, for lack of a better term, "courtship," you minimize the potential feelings of anxiety and uneasiness that come with associating the date party with such unreasonable standards.

Although easier said than done, I am going to try to no longer associate the date party with stress and resentment. Instead of viewing it as an endless journey of finding a date, I'm going to try to view it as nothing more than a fun, light-hearted event that I can attend with someone I enjoy, whether it be a friend or someone that is more than a friend.

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I Blame My Dad For My High Expectations

Dad, it's all your fault.

I always tell my dad that no matter who I date, he's always my number one guy. Sometimes I say it as more of a routine thing. However, the meaning behind it is all too real. For as long as I can remember my dad has been my one true love, and it's going to be hard to find someone who can top him.

My dad loves me when I am difficult. He knows how to keep the perfect distance on the days when I'm in a mood, how to hold me on the days that are tough, and how to stand by me on the days that are good.

He listens to me rant for hours over people, my days at school, or the episode of 'Grey's Anatomy' I watched that night and never once loses interest.

He picks on me about my hair, outfit, shoes, and everything else after spending hours to get ready only to end by telling me, “You look good." And I know he means it.

He holds the door for me, carries my bags for me, and always buys my food. He goes out of his way to make me smile when he sees that I'm upset. He calls me randomly during the day to see how I'm doing and how my day is going and drops everything to answer the phone when I call.

When it comes to other people, my dad has a heart of gold. He will do anything for anyone, even his worst enemy. He will smile at strangers and compliment people he barely knows. He will strike up a conversation with anyone, even if it means going way out of his way, and he will always put himself last.

My dad also knows when to give tough love. He knows how to make me respect him without having to ask for it or enforce it. He knows how to make me want to be a better person just to make him proud. He has molded me into who I am today without ever pushing me too hard. He knew the exact times I needed to be reminded who I was.

Dad, you have my respect, trust, but most of all my heart. You have impacted my life most of all, and for that, I can never repay you. Without you, I wouldn't know what I to look for when I finally begin to search for who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but it might take some time to find someone who measures up to you.

To my future husband, I'm sorry. You have some huge shoes to fill, and most of all, I hope you can cook.

Cover Image Credit: Logan Photography

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To The Boy I’ve Been Dating Since I Was 15, I Always Knew You Were My Forever

Thank you for showing me love when I thought I didn't deserve any.


Hey you,

People assumed our "fling" would only last a few short months. It's what everyone assumes when your first love happens during your sophomore year of high school. Yet here we stand, three and a half years later, more together than we've ever been. Although we've had our ups and downs, we still managed to keep our relationship going and to remember why we're together in the first place.

Many say loving isn't easy, but you make it a walk in the park.

You respect me in more ways than one, and you make me feel beautiful, inside and out. For a long time, I never noticed the beauty and strength I have within myself. I didn't see what others would point out to me, and at times I still find it hard to acknowledge my worth. However, you came into my life at a time when I felt I had no one, and you helped me to see all I have to offer. You helped me to open my mind to the thought of loving myself for who I am, and although the road is long and I'm not completely there, you've made me see how worthy of love I truly am.

Having you as my best friend, along with being my boyfriend, is the most rewarding feeling in the world.

I think the reason we rarely fight or stay angry with each other is that we truly are best friends. We could spend all of our time in deep conversation about any topic in the world and still feel engaged and ready to hear more from one another. Every single day I learn something new about you and vice versa. We can be ourselves in each other's presence and have fun doing absolutely nothing exciting. I am easily annoyed by a lot of things, but you are not one of them. Being with you for hours, even if we just watch TV the entire time, never gets repetitive or boring.

You treated me with the respect I deserved before I even realized I was worthy of it.

In many ways, I don't respect myself. Whether it be body image or letting "friends" walk all over me, I let many thoughts and people control my life. You, however, were the saving grace I needed. You've shown me how I deserve to be treated and how I should think of myself. Often I wonder how I got so lucky to end up with someone who loves me unconditionally and who values everything I have to offer. I say all the time that I don't deserve your heart, your kindness, your love, but you always remind me that I do. And I'm starting to realize that you're right; I deserve every bit of love, kindness, and respect that you have to offer. I can only hope that I award you with the same love and selflessness you give me every single day.

Three and a half years with someone may seem extremely long, but I feel as though we've been together a lifetime. It's hard to remember a time when you weren't right there beside me, and I would never want to imagine a future without you in it. There are so many more laughs, adventures, and memories to be made with you, and I only hope that I can be at least half of the person you are.

Thank you for pulling me out of the darkness. Today, tomorrow, and always.

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