For most of us, when we notice it, it's already too late. Moist. Wet. Humiliation. Everybody can relate to sweat. Sweat is a normal outcome for the body when getting the heart rate going. This is a whole other evil. The never-ending fight with "excessive buttocks sweating" (scientific term for booty sweat) is an uphill battle. It seems the most random temperature and activities can aggravate the sweat glands in the buttocks region. Booty sweat, or as some would call it, "swamp ass," can be set off by something one day that won't set it off the next. Unfortunately, there aren't too many scientific facts and terms for the worldwide plague known as booty sweat. I will do my best to accurately describe the everyday struggles of somebody who has booty sweat issues. If you have never suffered through an outbreak of extreme booty sweat, this will be an eye-opening experience for you. For those of you who can immediately relate, I wrote this for you. Please know that you are not alone in your battle with swamp ass.
If you struggle with booty sweat, I know your pain. For as long as I can remember, my booty sweat has been an epidemic for me. It all began in elementary school. My family and I were in our living room, watching a recording of the musical that my school had put on. Sitting in a warm room in Arizona for a long time had taken its toll on my sweat glands. When I stood up, there was immediate laughter. My own blood was cracking up hysterically at my misery, pointing at the damp chair that was quite literally dripping with my booty sweat. I tried to play it off, blame it on my brother, but we all knew what it was and who had produced it. I still remember every step of the walk of shame from the living room to my bedroom. I had tried covering my butt with my hands because I knew the sweat was showing. This was the beginning of my eternal hell. I knew then and there this was a problem that would follow me forever.
In my opinion, there are major occurrences of booty sweat. From here I will take you through what they are, how I actively avoid them or make the situation better, and a common example of each that have occurred in daily life.
1. Athletic Activity
There are two painfully obvious ways in which booty sweat will happen. Athletic activity is easily number one. Normal perspiration happens when you're out running on a field or a court. When people think of sweating they think of the upper body. For those of us who deal with booty sweat, this can generally be where the most perspiration will take place. Since sports and athletic activity have always been and remain such a huge part of my life, it's very hard to avoid them in general. When I know I will be participating in sports, I always try to wear compression shorts underneath my shorts or pants. These greatly reduce the production of booty sweat. I have also taken advantage of the color black so my booty sweat will not show through my shorts. Although I know I am sweating profusely in my buttocks region, people around me will not (unless they get close enough to smell me).
2. Sitting Down for Long Periods of Time
This is the other clear reason for swamp ass in my opinion. Too often do I find myself sitting in a warm room being respectful and not moving and I begin to sweat through my shorts. I'm a big fan of brown or khaki shorts because they match everything and they look good. Sadly enough, these do not hide booty sweat very well. I have had my fair share of situations running back to my dorm from class because I know my booty sweat is showing. A great strategy to avoid booty sweat when you are forced to sit down for an extensive amount of time is to occasionally get up and find a reason to move around. This will air out the buttocks and keep them from ruining your day and shorts.
3. Heat
Coming from Arizona to Kansas City, I now know what it's like to be in humid and in dry heat. Let me tell you, they both stink. They both greatly affect booty sweat, too. When it is excessively hot outside, it is completely normal to sweat. Whether you're standing, sitting, walking or running, you're probably going to sweat. Imagine this fight for those who deal with swamp ass. This has always been difficult to deal with for me. Sometimes you need to head inside the nearest area with air conditioning, even if you don't want to be there. I vividly remember walking in an outdoor mall and having to step inside a Victoria's Secret just to avoid my booty sweat.
4. Nervousness or Anxiety
A lot of people will sweat when they are nervous or anxious about something. Booty sweat is another animal. Having to worry about a test and the embarrassment of walking out and all your classmates seeing your moist behind? It's horrific. This is tricky to deal with. It's impossible to not be nervous about something. Again, black clothing can help. I can often be found in black shorts or pants on days of tests or interviews. This is the best way to prevent humiliation.
It will always be a fight to prevent your booty sweat, and when you think you're winning your sweat glands will tell you otherwise. If booty sweat strikes and strikes hard, sometimes you just have to own up to it. Walk down the hallway with your butt cheeks flooding. Head down the aisle at mass with your pants drenched. Catch that touchdown or drain that three point shot in your grey shorts that look a little darker around the butt. Own it. My name is Sam Rosendahl, I have booty sweat problems, and I am proud.
