Shortly after Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were named the presidential nominees in the upcoming election, a mysterious, Third Party Candidate, rose from the ashes and is now considered the favorite to win the 2016 Presidential Election. This lethal toxin surprised everyone, when his popularity soared shortly after the world realized that Trump and Clinton’s presidential bids were no longer the punchline to the most epic practical joke in human history. Just moments after the nominees were decided, Cyanide became the most heavily researched candidate of all time. The bite –sized Cinderella story, recently sat down to field a few questions from the media regarding his sudden rise to fame:

“These past few weeks have just been insane. One moment you’re the most feared toxin on earth and the next you’re a knight in shining armour.”

In recent months, citizens of the United States hoped to find relief by moving to places like Canda or New Zealand. However, with the emergence of Cyanide, the once conflicted voters are confident that this exciting dark horse is the solution to all their problems. When asked about the changes he would bring to Washington, Cyanide had this to say:

“Politicians these days are all talk and no action…If you elect me; I will put an end to your problems before you can say ‘help’.”

Pleased with this response, bystanders bombarded Cyanide with questions of how he was going to lower taxes and help young students recieve an affordable education. To the public’s surprise, the gutsy politician answered these questions without breaking a sweat:

“What sets me apart from the other candidates is my ability to solve problems as soon as they arise. If you want your student loans forgiven, I will take care of that for you…If you want relief from the burdens of unlawful taxation, I will take care of it for you. With me at the helm, people are gonna be a lot better off and certainly well rested.”

Cyanide supporters could barely contain their excitement when entertaining the possibility of a Third Party President. Many are pleased to hear that they will no longer have to leave their native land in order to live a life free of systematic oppression. In fact, citizens were delighted when Cyanide announced that his supporters could enjoy casting their vote from the comfort of their homes:

"All you have to do is put me on your ballot and celebrate with a quick drink of water. By doing this, you will take the first step toward a better tomorrow."

Though he faces an uphill battle, Cyanide feels that he has what it takes to get the job done. To prove it, he has chosen the spirit of fallen primate Harambe as his running mate, to show competitors that he is not messing around.