Friends, it is no secret that I am stressed. I am a week away from my last undergraduate finals. In my last article, which was about commitment, there was a moment where I had a slight freak out moment just trying to think about the future. Maybe it was a little more than slight. Either way, stress has been hanging out in my life far too long and it has overstayed its welcome and needs to leave, ASAP. Okay, bye.

At least, that’s what I’d like to think. Unfortunately, that isn’t my actual attitude toward stress.

I have been stressed for so long, I do not know what it is like to not be stressed. Even when I have nothing to do, I feel like I must be forgetting something. There is no way I could have free time. What am I missing? What have I ever done in my life to deserve free time?

Maybe I’m being a bit overdramatic, but you get the idea. Stress is my default mode. I need to be stressed. You see, stress isn’t entirely bad. I know, you’re thinking, Of course you’re going to say that because you’re addicted to stress, but hear me out. Stress is not all bad. Stress can make you productive. It can motivate you. According to the American Psychology Association,

“Stress is to the human condition what tension is to the violin string: too little and the music is dull and raspy; too much and the music is shrill or the string snaps. Stress can be the kiss of death or the spice of life...Managed stress makes us productive and happy; mismanaged stress hurts and even kills us.”

See? It’s not all bad. However, I constantly tread the fine line of how much stress is too much stress. And I am pretty willing to bet I am not alone with this problem. I know people say the younger generations (including my own) are lazy, oversensitive, and entitled and perhaps there is some validity to those statements. However, these are also generations who live under the stress of needing to be perfect because they were never taught how to make mistakes and learn from them. These are the generations who were taught that it is more socially acceptable to hate themselves than accept themselves. These are the people who were taught that in order to be worth anything, they had to start planning to go to an Ivy League school from the moment they entered the education system and to have their careers and lives planned out by the time they’re 18. Yeah. We’re a little stressed.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say most of us are on the side of too stressed. But we’re like, It’s fine, I’ll be fine once I finish x, y, and z and it is a total lie. As soon as we finish those, you can bet we’ll find something else to stress about. I tell myself that it’ll get better once I’m done with college and yeah, maybe it will for a short while before I throw myself back into it.

I am not a good person to talk to about stress because it is so integral to my life. I have come to the point where I need to be abysmally stressed to be motivated to do anything. I’ve become immune to little amounts of it and that’s really not healthy. When you’re too stressed, you not only freak out mentally but your body also freaks out. Your muscles tense, of course, but prolonged tension in the muscles lead to other physiological responses. Sometimes, people get migraines or experience stress-related disorders. Your respiratory system is compromised, causing you to breathe harder, which sucks for people with asthma and can also cause you to hyperventilate and/or trigger a panic attack. Chronic stress puts you at risk for hypertension. It affects your eating habits. The list goes on and on and you can find out more here. And that is not even including the psychological effects.

At this point, you’re probably a little confused. After all, I say I’m stressed all the time and I’m basically addicted to it, but then I say stress is bad and explain just how it wreaks havoc on your body (and I don’t think I need to explain how it messes with your mind). You’re probably wondering what the point of this article even is: am I advocating for stress or against it? Do I have a solution for the stress or am I simply ranting about it, putting my own internal conflict into words?

The truth is, I don’t really know. *stresses out about not knowing how to write an article with an actual thesis*

I want to change. I know this is not healthy for me. The question is, how do you change? People are going to tell you to “just relax.” Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work and let me explain why. De-stressing does not just require you to stop what you’re doing and do something else. I mean, yes, there are things you can do to help relax your body (exercise, breathing exercises, eating certain foods) and I’m not disputing that. However, are these not just techniques to manage the symptoms? It’s intervention instead of prevention. When stress is your default mode, even if you relax for a little while and subvert the stress, it always comes back the next time you have a freak out because it’s what you know best.

In order for me, you, or anyone else with chronic stress to change, we cannot keep using little fixes to keep the stress at bay for brief moments only to throw ourselves back into the fray until we can’t take it anymore. It creates a vicious cycle, not a new lifestyle. We need to change our mindset, priorities. We need to lay down the rules and boundaries with stress before it comes to visit so we have an idea of how to handle it and do not have to panic trying to find a way to lock it in a room while it’s already here.

Stress does not have to be your worst enemy or that person you think is your friend but who is actually trying to ruin your life. Stress can be your best friend if you don’t let it dictate your life. I mean, when we have people who try to control our lives, paying no mind to our well-beings or the detrimental outcomes, we call that abuse. Don’t abuse yourself. Don’t let stress do this to you.

I'll try to take my own advice.