So, just recently, I started trying to get in shape by going on runs! Although that sounds like a confession to a suicide attempt, it isn’t as bad as it may seem. I started my summer off with a trip to the pool in my new black bikini, and I had hoped and prayed that this summer I wouldn’t spent my entire summer looking at other girls boobs more than the average 15-year-old boy. But within my first trip to the pool, I found my eyes wandering, looking at every curve, angle, and color of other women and comparing them to myself.

Every minute was an emotional rollercoaster between her being better or worse looking than myself. By the time the day had ended, I had only made up a million different plastic surgeries in my head that would help me look like Beyoncé. I had lost all faith in my new black bikini. I went home and decided to ignore the mirror for a couple of days.

Let it be known that I am not overweight at all. Actually, at almost every check up to the doctors, I am told that it wouldn’t hurt to put on a couple pounds. This is the scary part because my body type is probably the most preferred for women of all ages. My mom constantly reminds my sisters and I how lucky we are that we can eat like crap, but still look like we just ran a marathon. As great as that sounds, and as some readers might be cursing my name through the screens of their smartphones and laptops, I am not comfortable with my body.

Honestly, I don’t think any women will ever be truly happy with their body because of the world that we live in. We’re told to be confident and not cocky, but the second that something positive comes out of our mouths we are shamed by the looks of jealousy that come from those listening. We are told to accept everyone’s body, but when the time comes the idea of beauty that is hardwired into our brains gets confused and uncomfortable. For some crazy reason, we don’t like what we see. I didn’t like what I saw.

After my first trip to the pool and neglecting the mirror for a day or two, I thought about what I could do to stop thinking like this. I knew that somehow I needed to rewire my brain. This was one of the plastic surgeries I had made up when thinking about all of the ways I could look like Beyoncé, but the closest and most realistic thing that I could think of was to go for a run. I do normally like to run, but I often forget how many positive side effects it has because of the normal feelings of me thinking that I’m going to die three minutes after I start. This time I decided not to stop when I got tired. I would simply let go of the thought about quitting and it would help. Guess what? It really worked! That first day I made it the distance of a 5K, and from that day forward I made a promise to myself that I would get up early every day and push myself to run farther and faster.

You may be questioning why I would want to do this? That’s a good question, because I’m not running competitively, I will never receive a trophy from this, I won’t win prize money, and I’m really just going to end up taking more showers than I’d prefer to, but some very good effects suffice for the lack of literal reward. We all have probably heard the common term of endorphins being released in our brains, and that is why we feel so good after we run, but what actually happens is our brains release a protein called Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor, this helps our brains reset themselves which gives us the clear, enlightened feeling after we exercise. Our brains are literally rewiring themselves! Once this happens your brain takes this in a happier more positive way. For me, it became easier to look at my body in the mirror because I was receiving physical benefits along with mental clarity. I am now understanding my body and become more practiced in the art of finding natural solutions.

I don’t think that I am anywhere close to looking like the Queen B, but I feel like it! My body thanks me every day for all the good that I’m doing for it and my brain is so much happier with my body. There will always be days of disappointment and frustration, but this has been a beneficial way of coping with the comparisons that I put myself through. Running is helping me live a more positive life.