Exes. We hate them. Sometimes we still love them. We always love to hate them.
Sometimes you're up late at night, alone in your room, watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes, and you start to wonder.
What if? Why did it end that way? What went wrong? What do I do next time I see him? Does he ever think about me.
All of those questions are valid. But an ex is an ex for a reason. So when you start to worry about all of those "where are they now" questions, remind yourself of these seven things.
1. Things weren't working, and that's why it's over.
People have different wants and different needs. When you're sharing your life with someone, no matter how long that may last for, you both still have your own identity. Life takes us in different directions sometimes, and that's what happens when relationships fall apart. Wants and needs change.
2. It's okay if it still hurts every once in a while.
You spent a lot of time with someone. You told another person a lot of personal things. You showed them things you don't show other people, both physically and emotionally. You fell asleep next to someone and woke up warm next to them in the morning. You melted into a kiss. All of that meant something.
Just because it's over, doesn't mean all of that is cancelled out. It's okay to feel the pain of wanting that again, even if you don't want it with that same person.
3. It wasn't all bad.
You were with someone for a reason. They made you happy at some point in time. Just because it may have ended badly doesn't mean it was all bad. You thought they were a good person at the start.
You may have learned things about them that you didn't like. They may have ended up not being able to meet all of your needs. But they still made you laugh. They still made you smile. They still made you smile with a surprise kiss. All of that was real. So don't write it off.
4. You grew from the relationship.
You wouldn't be who you are without having had that ex in your life. They left their mark. They helped you evolve as a person. You probably learned new things about yourself. You probably discovered more about what you want in a partner and, more importantly, what you deserve from a partner. People come into our lives for a reason. It might take you a while, but you'll find the reason that this one came and went.
5. Being on your own doesn't make you weak.
It's so important to take time to get to know yourself. You have all this new knowledge about yourself and the people in the world around you. No, seriously. That's what a break up gives you. So take some time to process it all. Figure out what your next step is. Really get to the heart of what your heart needs.
6. He doesn't (nor did he ever) define you.
You were your own person before you met him. You were still you when you were with him, one half of a team. Now you're just you again, but you're still you. You didn't lose half of yourself. You lost the plus one. You're still there, as you as ever.
7. You are a strong, independent woman...
...you don't need a man. But there's nothing wrong with wanting one. Don't forget that.
