Let's be honest here: dating is crazy.
What's even crazier? Making the first move.
I heard on the radio one morning driving to school that one of the things millennial women should do when it comes to dating is make the first move. What? There's a new dating app called Bumble, where ladies make the first move. It not only helps you find potential dates, but it also helps you find potential friends. I've looked at the app specs and it says: "In heterosexual matches, the woman has 24 hours to make the first move and the man has 24 hours to respond. In same sex matches, either person has 24 hours to make the first move and 24 hours to respond or the connection expires."
NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
Weren't we taught by society to let the guys make the first move? That guys like the chase? That if the guy wanted to be with us, he would make that apparent? That if we don't think about guys at all, it will just happen when it's supposed to?
I've had many interesting conversations with millennial guys about this topic. While I've heard plenty of them say the above things (guys like the chase, if he wants to be with us he will make that apparent, etc), I've also heard them say other things about them having to be the one to make the first move, like why do they have to make the first move? It puts a lot of pressure on them because they might be afraid of screwing up. They're afraid of misreading and misinterpreting body language, which might lead to doing or saying the wrong thing, which may end up ruining every chance they have of actually dating the girl. I've had guys tell me that they were/are too shy to say anything and the fear of approaching a woman they like is absolutely paralyzing. Much like women, men also have doubts and insecurities about themselves too; they might feel like the girl they like is too out of their league and they're not "good looking" enough for her. Those are the same reasons that ladies won't approach men; they feel that they're not pretty enough and that the guy won't ever give them a chance. ALSO: guys aren't mind readers! They may have no idea that you're interested in them, even if they're interested in you! Therefore, how would they know that they have a pretty good chance at scoring a date with you?
We are in a time where female empowerment and feminism is extremely prominent. Women are encouraged to reach their goals, to go after--and fight for--what they want and deserve, to inspire and empower one another, and especially to be confident. I think both genders appreciate when the member of the opposite sex has enough chutzpah to go after what they want. If women work up the confidence to give men a little bit of a lead (which that alone might be a big deal for us), we always are nervous about the outcome. If it works out in our favor, great. What if it doesn't? It might be no big deal, but other times it might. That's the rub in all of this: it's up to the other person whether or not to pursue the other one. Which is probably how the whole "let him pursue you" thing came along. Bumble aims to get rid of this with the 24 hour response thing they have, but what if it works out just the way it would without Bumble's help? What does that tell us as women about "making the first move" and "being confident" in ourselves? Are the efforts all for naught?
I've been told so many different things on so many different occasions. It's honestly gotten to the point where I am confused about what I should do in certain situations. I can only imagine that other millennial ladies are in the same situation that I am in too. Maybe it's just a case by case thing. Maybe the answer--for both parties--is simply confidence. You never know unless you try, right?
