Throughout my entire 18 almost 19 years of existence, I've struggled with my weight. I've always been heavier compared to the girls my age, throughout elementary school to high school, and now even in college. I never played any sports, as I wasn't interested in them (I have terrible hand-eye coordination), and I was more content to sit and read a book rather than go outside and play something that I knew I would suck at. I could never run fast enough when playing tag with the kids at recess as I always became short of breath quickly. In fifth grade, I was bullied by a classmate who also happened to ride my bus. He called me "Grease" because of my hair and told me that I looked like a pregnant cow, everyday for the entire year. Imagine how that feels to an eleven year old. In middle school, the bullying continued. I was never pretty enough, never skinny enough for anyone to like me. I remember sitting on my bed one day, crying because a shirt I had tried on was too tight across my big stomach. I remember telling my mom that by the time I was 13 I'd probably be 300 pounds.

There's never been a time where I was skinnier than any of my friends throughout the years. By the time I was in first grade I was around ninety pounds, By fourth grade, I was 117 pounds, and by seventh grade I was a whopping 164 pounds. I used to tell myself that I'd never let myself get over two hundred pounds, but that number sailed by a long time ago. I'd look at pictures of me with friends and all I would notice was how much bigger I was than all of them, not the smiles on our faces or remembering how much fun I had, just that I was the "big girl". Everyone would say (and still do), "Oh but you're so tall!" That maybe true, but it doesn't justify why they're all in tight shirts and I'm covered in a baggy sweater.

In a society where skinny girls are all over the media and favored by nearly everyone, I don't fit in. And that hurts. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with my body? I'm sick of this mentality that people (including myself) have to look a certain way to be "acceptable". Why am I comparing myself to my friends? Why do I care more about what I look like than who I am as a person? I eat healthier than I ever used to, I exercise more, and yet I'm still just the "big girl", and that's not right. I'm sick of seeing the cliché approaching of an attractive, thin woman or a muscle bound man while there's plenty of other people they're missing out on who are probably just as intriguing, but because they're maybe not to this ridiculous standard this day and age has, these other people aren't "good enough".

Let me tell you this. I think I have a damn good personality, and a damn good body, too. I shouldn't have to change myself and my appearance for other people. Neither should you. F*ck society. Thin, fit, fat, curvy, muscular, none of it should be favored. The media and this society needs to realize that everybody is going to look different than someone else's body, and it's not their place to say a damn word about it.