When you aren’t a varsity athlete, and the public gym is just another attempt to conquer that freshman 15, there are many opportunities to overthink exercise. Without further ado, here are ten of my gym self inquiries.
Who do I drag along this time?
If you’re not working out with someone of a similar strength level, get ready to deal with constantly switching weight plates, extra-long breaks between each set and frequent conversational distractions. Then again, alone, you'll have to deal with the absence of a physical and mental spotter.
Why do people keep glancing at me?
Is being self-conscious a mainstream phenomenon of people on cardio machines? I swear, every time I set foot on an elliptical and start my workout, I feel critical eyes checking out the intensity level and number of calories burned the entire time.
What's with the overwhelming amount of varsity athletes?
The intimidation factor is real when you’re surrounded by buff, hardcore jocks. I know it shouldn't get to my head, but when the guy right next to you on the squat rack has more than twice the weight you have on the bar, it’s unsettling.
If you’re “using” that piece of equipment, can you at least get off your phone?
It's fine if you haven’t completely memorized your five-machine circuit yet and need to periodically check it on your phone. But when your break is longer than an actual set because you were typing out an extra-long text message...inexcusable. You’re just wasting your time and my patience.
What is that god awful noise?
Honestly, the last thing people want to hear is a sudden, loud BANG! as the "extremely heavy" weights you were using slam back into place as you, supposedly exhausted, let go dramatically.
Am I even doing this exercise correctly?
If you've never had a personal trainer, chances are you only learned how to properly lift in freshman year P.E. or from a high school sport. Or maybe your dad is obsessed with weights because he was a bodybuilder, and you just learned how to bench press when you were 11.
How do I feel this accomplished right now?
When you’re not feeling those textbook readings or problem sets, one of the easiest ways to gain that feeling of self-accomplishment is exercise. Just ignore the fact that the self-esteem boost is short-term and only prolongs some big-time procrastination.
I deserve a milkshake after, right?
Don’t deny it; we’re all guilty of using a workout as justification for junk food at some point. After all, the exercise and calories should theoretically cancel each other out. In reality, it isn’t that simple.
Why am I here?
The gym is not a place just to show off one’s protruding biceps or toned gluteus maximus. Every time I visit WashU’s rec center, I can’t help but feel self-doubt and repeat to myself, I don’t belong. Regardless of those surrounding me, I should be exercising for myself and accepting my limitations. After all, a six-pack is only possible with a genetically low percentage of body fat, not a month’s worth of ab workouts.
