2016 was a roller coaster of a year for a lot of people – myself included. My health has been all over the map this year as we have continued on an exhausting endeavor for answers. We have received some, but the journey for better and lasting health will continue into 2017 as we now look for more answers and some consistent treatment options. This year also brought about the first deployment of me and my husband’s marriage, and sent me on several trips to Mayo Clinic without him. 2016 taught me all about true and genuine friendship vs. fake and selfish intentions. This year was full of ups, downs, and emotions. I am forever grateful for the people who have stood by me and supported me through all of these struggles. You have all been my strength, and my backbone, and for that I am greatly indebted to you.

One of the biggest lessons I learned this year is that you have to be careful who you disclose information to, because some people don't know what it means to be a true friend to someone, especially someone suffering with a mental or physical illness.

Let me start with this: I have Multiple Sclerosis, Pseudotumor Cerebri, IBS, and a few more suspected diagnoses that have not been verified yet. I should not, and quite frankly do not, have to justify how I live my life. Some people assume that because I am not miserable and bedridden all the time I do not suffer from these things as intensely as I say I do. That is simply not the case.

There is one very crucial element to understanding people with Chronic Illness – Being sick every day does not, in any way, require someone to be miserable 24/7.

Let me reiterate that – Being sick every day does not, in any way, require someone to be miserable 24/7.

In fact, it is very possible to feel terrible physically and still keep a positive attitude and bubbly personality. I have tried to for the past 5 years of my life, and although at times I have failed, most of the time I do not “act like I am sick” as so many like to say. Do I have bad days where all I can do is cry, sleep, and eat (if I am lucky)? Of course I do. It comes with the territory. However, I also have days that I enjoy life to the fullest because I refuse to be miserable all the time. If you ever see me out shopping, singing, dancing, or just generally having fun do not assume that I am faking my illnesses. Please know that most of the time for every fun thing I do I pay for it by being physically exhausted and in pain for hours, or even days afterwards. It is not easy, but for me it is worth it, because I refuse to let my illnesses run my life 100% of the time.

As for my struggle with my Mental Health: I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and OCD. These diagnoses do not mean I am crazy. I am not someone to be scared of. Yes, these disorders are scary. Yes, they are hard to live with. No, they do not make me a bad person. However, you have no idea how hard it was for my doctors to help me realize that. Because that's what OCD does - it convinces you that truth and lies about your character are interchangeable. That what someone else thinks about you, and what you think about yourself must be true, because why would it be thought of if it was false. OCD plays mind games day in and day out until you're utterly exhausted in every aspect. Anxiety fuels that fire, and usually finds a way to turn it into an overwhelming anxiety attack.

Please do not think it is okay to use these illnesses against me. To use these diagnoses to threaten and slander my reputation. I may be sick, but I am not scared to stand up for myself and for others...

It is not okay, and it will never be okay to –

1) Humiliate and destroy someone

2) Use their diagnoses and struggles as ammunition against them

3) Speak hate about someone, especially pertaining to something that they have absolutely no control over.

I plead with each of you reading this – please be compassionate in your words and your actions. Learn to be understanding. Because quite frankly most people have enough negative things going on in their lives without slanderous words and hurtful actions.

Love & Light,

Lexi F.