Created in the 1970's, disc golf is a combination of the popular game of golf and the act of tossing plastic discs. It has always been a male dominated sport, as many have been until recent years. Disc golf has steadily grown in it's forty years of existence, increasing in popularity among many circles. Now it's big enough to host worldwide tournaments! Golfers will note some of the biggest names in the game (Paul McBeth, Catrina Allen, etc) playing in tournaments around the world.
As a young woman coming into the sport in the last six months, there has never been a lack of males ready to help me with my golf game. Many, and I do mean many, of these men are primarily interested in growing the sport and helping my game. Many of them have been great teachers and have been very insightful into different techniques on how to play the game. Most men (about 8/10) haven't made me uncomfortable during a round of golf and I wouldn't hesitate to shoot with them again. But recently, I've been running into a problem that has made golf less of a relaxing game to play.
Until recently, I wouldn't have thought twice about my safety while playing a round of golf with someone. Many golf courses are well circulated, with generous traffic and you're always in eyeshot of another set of golfers or at least a public area of some kind. I had never felt unsafe with another golfer. Many men didn't seem interested in anything outside of disc golf and the round we were playing. Sure there were a few men who expressed an interest but after one mention of a boyfriend, or a fiancé in some cases, the men would respect boundaries and not mention it again. It was very sparse that I ever had to mention a man in my life anyway. You would think that a golfing partner would be there to golf as much as I was. Recently, though, I've run into a couple of men who made me wish I'd continued my track in karate in grade school.
One such man I met recently had my skin crawling and even had me feeling violated enough to almost take a indefinite hiatus from the sport. This man would hit on me incessantly. He never seemed to give up, even when I had mentioned my boyfriend countless times. He was much older than me and after expressing this age gap it didn't seem to deter his efforts. He seemed like a good enough guy, so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and continue the round with him. My mother raised a polite young girl after all. But after comments of "I could watch you all day," "Just keep talking, you're adorable," "You shouldn't be with your man. Be with me instead," "You're so cool. Why couldn't we have met sooner?," "I'm impressed you're such a good golfer! Being a pretty girl and all," I was suddenly feeling much less comfortable of the proximity with this man. I've always carried a can of mace with me and that day I considered using it if he ever tried to touch me. To many these may sound like innocent comments but coming from a man who could have obviously seen how uncomfortable he was making me, they were enough to have me questioning my desire to stay in this sport and my desire to ever return to the course that I called my home.
Allow me to make a PSA to my fellow golfers, regardless of gender: Making someone feel uncomfortable or unsafe is not the way to grow a sport. Making someone question their safety while in your company is never okay, regardless of whether or not it's considered "innocent." It's common sense to respect the boundaries that someone is setting before you. It is absurd that anyone, of any gender, shouldn't be able to go and play a round of golf with someone, of any gender, and feel safe and relaxed while they are there. If there is ever an iffy statement or an iffy comment that you are thinking about saying, listen to the voice in the back of your head and say nothing at all. Some might think these are compliments but they are completely inappropriate and not all desired.
Now, let me get something straight. I am not attacking the men of this sport. I am not attacking anyone in this sport. But this, these behaviors, is NOT how you grow the female population in any sport. If we, meaning the women of disc golf, ask someone to play a round with us, that is ALL we want. We don't want to be asked a thousand questions about ourselves like we are on some sort of dating quiz show. If we mention a husband, boyfriend, fiancé, girlfriend, etc. that is your cue that we're not interested, even if it has nothing do with how you're acting or the situation at all. Don't call us "cool." Don't call us "pretty or adorable." Don't refer to us as "pretty women who happen to play your sport." We're here to play, have fun, and relax like everyone else. If anyone, women as well, want to grow a sport or activity, you have to make everyone feel invited and safe. That day when he kept referring to me as adorable and kept defending his actions by saying "I have to critique your swing, that's the only way I can get away with staring at you;" that was the day I considered leaving the sport all together.
As much as I've experienced in the sport, this is not a prevalent problem. That doesn't mean, however, that it should be ignored or forgotten. It only takes one round, one comment, one joke, or one mention of anything inappropriate to put someone on high alert. It only takes one time to make someone uncomfortable enough to consider leaving the sport completely. If golfers, men and women alike, want to continue to grow the sport of Disc Golf into the sport that I know it can be then we must make it a place where everyone can play without the worry of inappropriate comments being made. It needs to be a place where everyone can feel safe enough to open up, be themselves, and golf their best game.
Always remember the golden rule of "treat others the way you'd want to be treated" and you can't fail. Happy Golfing!
