Disclaimer: this guide is not titled “An Efficient Guide to Getting Homework Done” or “How to be a Responsible Student” for intentional purposes. Therefore, this guide should not be treated to such standards. This is a college student’s guide, and it explains a process that is neither necessarily encouraged nor recommended.
Step One: Instill false motivation through means of organization.
First, instead of getting a head start on all the homework you have due for the week, you should make a very organized list of all the things you need to accomplish. This should be done with several colored pens and should take a good hour or so of your time. Since you now have a very clear set of goals that you will definitely follow throughout the week, you deserve to take a long break that involves many episodes of “Friends”, which then takes up the rest of your day.
Step Two: Procrastinate real hard.
Realize that the one homework assignment you told yourself you would get done with way before its due date definitely does not need your attention sooner than at least a day before it’s due. Besides, it already feels like it has been a really long week and just looking at the list of things you have left to do has made you exhausted; you deserve some time off. Repeat step two until you come to the conclusion that you really don’t need to do any homework for the day, and then proceed to another four to six episodes of “Friends”.
Step Three: Convince yourself that everything is okay.
When you suddenly feel the crippling weight of all of your responsibilities, quickly avoid it by distracting yourself with more Netflix, followed by a very long nap.
Step Four: Get it together, dude.
Now it’s time to step it up, because it’s 10 p.m. and everything is due the next day. Grab an extra large cup of too-sweetened coffee, set up a clean working station, and stick in those headphones. Your fear of failure has finally motivated you enough to get stuff done, and you’re now in the zone. Nothing can stop you now (or so you think).
Step Five: The “Oh my God what have I done” phase.
It’s 1:30 a.m. and you’re not even halfway done. You’ve begun to curse at yourself for not doing any of the work earlier. You have a quarter of a cup of cold coffee left, a foundationally pathetic sense of motivation decreasing by the minute, and a pile of homework that you don’t even entirely understand how to complete. It’s no wonder you’re on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Step Six: Dance it out.
Turn up some of your favorite jams. "Fergalicious" "Baby Got Back" "Ignition" (Remix), or any classic Hannah Montana throwback (yes, even if you’re a guy). Whatever gets you to bust some moves, wake up, and gets you motivated again. Also, send several Snapchats during this time – let your friends know that even though your mental health might be collapsing with every lyric that you belt out, you’re sticking it through and trying to make the best out of an empty 2:00 a.m. study lounge.
Step Seven: The Finale.
It’s 4:00 a.m., you’re exhausted, you’re not entirely done with everything you hoped to get done, but you’ve done enough to be able to survive the next day. You pray that those “bullshitting skills” that you strengthened in high school will come through and make up for the leftover studying you didn’t get to finish.
Congratulations, you have successfully completed a "College Student’s Guide to Getting Homework Done." At this point, you’ll probably swear to yourself that you’ll never put yourself through that again, but let’s face it, there’s a reason why this entire article already felt a little too relatable from the start.
