Last year, I heard it all. The first week on campus as I met the fellow freshman, it was often at the point when I’d mention that I had a boyfriend, the conversation took a turn. Most girls I told were silently skeptical, asking how long we had been dating and how far his school was from Rutgers. On the other hand, almost all the boys were very vocal about their disapproval of the idea.
At first, I let it get to my head. With all of this backfire from a decision that I hadn’t doubted prior, was I making a huge mistake? Was the college relationship stigma actually a foreshadowing of what is to come? After a year of realizing people who say that stuff are talking out of their a**, here is what I wished I had said to each of the following common remarks:
1. “But college is supposed to be for having fun?”
You can have plenty of fun in a relationship and you can share that experience together. If you're in the right relationship, being with your significant other is more fun than being alone. Some of my best memories are with my boyfriend. Sharing good experiences with someone you love make them that much more special.
2. “Relationships in college are stupid.”
No, but saying that you should date any time except for the four years where you’re going to meet the most people is. People who don’t understand probably never met someone worth being in a long-term committed relationship with, and that’s fine. I didn’t completely understand until I met my boyfriend. But when these people meet someone throughout college that they really like, they probably won’t say that again.
3.“College relationships don’t exist.”
Uhm... Yes, they do. And a lot of people I met throughout the year were in one, too, and were very happy. People who said things like this were either trying to get in your head or honestly possibly jealous. I met so many people who said this and then starting dating someone the next month.
4. “The only way to stay together is if you cheat.”
No comment…
Wait, yeah here’s one: You’re the worst type of person.
5. “Why don’t you just break up and have fun, and then get back together after you graduate?”
You can’t choose when you’re going to fall in love with someone. And you can’t just forget about those feelings either. If being at college makes you second guess things, then go ahead and take that space and time. But if you break up just because “it’s college” and then you realize you made a mistake, or they find someone else when you were thinking in your head that you would get back together in four years, you could regret it. Don't hold onto something out of fear; but also, don’t let go for no reason. If you break up with someone you love for college, there isn’t going to be some magic pony drop from the sky to take you away and show you secret wonders of single life. Nothing magical will happen.
6. “So… do you even go out?”
No, I stay nested up in my dorm room eating ice cream and crying over life each night and then pass out at 7:30 pm...
...Yes of course, I have fun with my roommate and best friends. You don’t need to be single to hang out with other people. And if you’re in a relationship where you feel like you can’t go out, that is a different story.
7. “People who have college boyfriends don’t know how to be independent.”
I can tie my shoes by myself, thank you.
8. “That won’t last”
Maybe it won’t. I can’t predict the future. But it won’t be because I want to do stupid sh*t. If it doesn’t last, it’ll be for a better reason. At least I’ll know I gave it a real shot.
If you’re genuinely against a relationship in college, that is your choice. But stop trying to convince people that being single in college is the greatest thing ever.
