Have you heard the ‘Apple Tree’ metaphor about dating? It goes a little something like this: Girls are like apples and boys are like the apple pickers. The ‘best’ girls are like the juiciest apples that hang on the top branches of the tree, but boys are too afraid of climbing all the way up there and possibly hurting themselves, so they go for the low-hanging apples instead.

Well, I used to think that metaphor was somewhat accurate. Of course I’m not a fan of ‘ranking’ girls, but you get the picture. However, after two and a half years of college, I’ve come to believe that boys have given up apple picking all together. And not just boys, for that matter, everyone has stopped casually dating. No one knows that the heck they are doing anymore.

I read this article the other day, which hit the nail on the head and inspired me to write this post. Now I am not anti-technology at all, but I do believe it has messed with the classic tradition of dating. “Do you want to go to a movie?” has turned into a text, “Do you wanna hangout at my house and watch Netflix?” And while that can be fun, it leaves a lot of room for ambiguity. Relationship clarity is at an all time low. We are unable to decipher each other’s intentions and therefore end up stuck in the infamous ‘friend-zone.’ Many of my guy friends complain about being friend-zoned, and don’t know how to get out. I want to tell them Ask her on a date! When you are clear about your interest in pursuing a girl- POOF, friend zone escaped. If you don’t explicitly communicate your intentions, she has no reason to believe you’re interested in more than friends. Don’t get mad at her for friend-zoning you if you are too scared to do anything about it.

Contrary to popular belief, a date is not just hanging out in a group or texting nonstop. The actual dating should be in person, not online. A date requires intentional planning and effort to ensure both parties enjoy themselves and walk away knowing each other better.

In our defense, maybe my generation is so horrible at dating because we never actually knew what it was in the first place. We are the first generation to grow up with technology, our only role models being movie relationships.

Another reason I believe dating is on the decline is the confusing atmosphere surrounding gender ‘roles.’ Do women want to be equal or courted? Should he still pay or is that too old fashioned? Is she offended when I open her door? Is chivalry really dead?

My question to you is: Can’t equality and courtship coexist? I don’t see why not. Just because women are seeking equal treatment as human beings in society, doesn’t mean they don’t want to be asked out on a date! Believe me, every girl wants to be charmed, whether they admit it or not. And I also believe women should feel more than free to make the first move. Sometimes guys need a little nudge in the right direction, a subtle hint that you are in fact interested and they won’t fall and hurt themselves if they venture to climb the tree.

I don’t believe we are loosing all social skills despite increased social media. I believe there is more to a relationship than a friend request. I believe in the power of quality conversation. I know fear of rejection is a legitimate concern that I don’t want to belittle, but I promise the reward is worth the risk.

So go on, climb the tree. The apples at the top are waiting for you!