Is There Really A "Hookup Culture" At College of Charleston?

Is There Really A "Hookup Culture" At College of Charleston?

And, is it really such a problem?

Is it any surprise that hook-up culture is so rampant at a college with a female population so much bigger than the male? CofC has a gender ratio of 37% male to 63% female. That's roughly two girls to every guy. No wonder, then, that our students have such a hard time finding a reliable mate, when every passing girl is an opportunity for an upgrade.

Perhaps it's a deeper commentary on the state of not only our schools, but our country as a whole. Hook-up culture is something that has become deeply ingrained in the way young people interact with one another, as both people and potential partners.

Beyond the social aspect, there is obviously the issue of the sexual. Sex is an act of intimacy, of trust. Or, that's what it should be. This culture has turned it into an endless pursuit of pleasure, with an adamant refusal to acknowledge any of the responsibility that inevitably comes with it. We've mastered the delicate art of building one-night bonds, and the even more delicate art of snapping them cleanly by morning.

There was an article once that said, "As our lives get longer, our relationships get shorter." The average life expectancy of an American adult is 27 years longer than our counterparts a hundred years ago. Back then, relationships were usually for life, since they matured faster and died younger. Today, the average relationship is only 2 years, and most couples blame social media for the split.

Divorce rates, too, are higher than they've ever been. It used to be that you could tell someone you're parents were divorced and they'd give you this sad, pitying look. Now, they barely look up from their phone as they mutter, "So what? Mine are too."

We, as a generation, lack trust.

CofC has that perfect mixture of a large female student body, a small campus, and access to the latest technology to make it into a breeding ground of broken hearts. While that may sound rather dramatic, in all seriousness the hook-up culture here has become a real problem. How can a girl trust a guy she likes if she doesn't know if he's getting some on the side?

This problem is a self-reliant beast, an Ouroboros eating its own tail, a pseudo-Pennywise without the 27-year constraint (*shudder*). Meaning, it won't stop unless we stop it. Maybe not with an actual metal pipe like in It, but perhaps with something just as ferocious.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Popular Right Now

There May Be 'Nice Guys' And 'Nice Girls' In 2018, But You Don't Owe Them Anything

While you don’t owe him sex, he also doesn’t owe you a relationship.

Disclaimer: the attitudes represented in this article go off the general research pattern that women tend to approach dating in a more traditional setting, whereas men are more welcoming of casual sex.

While it is entirely acceptable for each gender to approach dating and relationships in either context, the behavior discussed looks at typical patterns in modern, young adult dating culture.

In the current dating world of young adults, there exists a parallel between the "new age" scene of hookup culture and the traditional routes of dating customary to generations before us.

In each generation, however, exists the type of male who utilizes his usual social graces and pleasant or kind demeanor as a social exchange for sex.

In the 21st century, this type of guy has been labeled as "the nice guy," or as I’ll label it for the article, the NiceGuy™. Popular phrases have formed around this term, such as “nice guys finish last,” which means that guys who have this "nice" demeanor can never manage to win over the girls they want.

Before I continue, I’m not referring to guys who are respectful, considerate human beings who approach women as equals.

While the NiceGuy™ tries to come across as genuinely nice, he has an entitlement complex that women see but he doesn’t. Therefore, he becomes frustrated by the lack of social rewards he thinks he deserves.

The narcissistic tendencies of the NiceGuy™ and his lack of insight leads to constant complaining that women don’t recognize his supposedly great qualities, as well as ill-informed attacks toward women for being “superficial” or “callous” — when in reality, they just see the debauchery behind his poorly constructed persona.

There is also a female version of the nice guy as well.

The NiceGirl™ is the woman who thinks that the effort she makes in appearance, communication and time entitles her to a relationship with the guy of her interest. And if he doesn’t give this to her, how dare he be so unappreciative and rude?

In her mind, she thinks, “Can’t you see I’m making all this time for you? Why are you so insensitive to what I want and can provide for you?”

There are also guys that will string a girl along because he likes the attention from her, and if he does, shame on him. If this is the case, it’s justified to be frustrated when he invites in the dating behavior without any intention of maintaining it.

However, if a guy does not reciprocate your effort and actively does not encourage the attention, shame on you. He did not ask for you to invest that much of yourself, and quite frankly, if he doesn’t show any interest or communicate with you, he’s not worthy of your time anyway.

And for the genuinely nice guys who go after the NiceGirl™ types that relish in your attention but then drop you for a NiceGuy™, I’m sincerely sorry. Those girls will figure it out eventually and will stop complaining about their lack of boyfriend once they learn to identify NiceGuy™ types and to appreciate different kinds of guys. Be patient.

Realistically, if no one communicates at the front end to articulate their expectations about dating, the never-ending cycle of selfish or misunderstood behavior from the NiceGuy™ and NiceGirl™ types will continue, creating a positive feedback loop of inconsiderate actions in each sex as they are navigating dating. This process will continue to perpetuate negative stereotypes such as the ones listed above.

That said, it could also potentially leave out the genuinely kind people of the world and will prevent the NiceGuy™ and NiceGirl™ types from learning, identifying and articulating what they want in their relationships.

While this article may seem pessimistic and may attack specific dating behaviors we tend to do on a daily basis, the main point is that we need to learn to communicate and understand someone’s background and intentions before someone gets hurt or gets the wrong message.

For those into casual situations, be frank on the front end. Don’t string people along who care about you, only to drop them when it’s no longer convenient for you. That hurts people.

For those interested in dating, it’s important to show you care, and you should be willing to put in the effort to prove you mean something to them. However, don’t run yourself into the ground if they don’t reciprocate it. You deserve someone who appreciates you for what you do.

And for the rest who might be in either dating or casual situations who don’t know what to do? Be honest! Make sure the way you communicate is respectful, but if you’re just not into him or he’s just not that into you, make sure to find the best way to share your intentions with the most positive impact.

Ultimately, dating sucks.

But it can become so much better if you learn how to communicate appropriately and see people for who they and are what they want. This way, you can learn about your own and others' expectations, how to accommodate them best and how to respect everyone's expectations in a variety of situations.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

5 Great Dates That Fit Your Budget

Cheaper loving

Everyone loves a good date. How can you not? Nothing can ever really compare to spending some quality time with that person you love (hopefully). But when money is tight, it is hard meeting the demands of fancy restaurants, $15 movie tickets and $8 boxes of popcorn. So instead of breaking the bank, try these cheaper dates instead!

1. Drive-ins

Yes! They do still exist, and they are much cheaper than their movie theatre counterpart. Drive-ins are perfect for seeing the latest films for a much cheaper price and a more personal experience. You get to be in the privacy of your own car and bring your own yummy (and cheaper) snacks!

2. Picnics

You may not be one for the outdoors, but even so, you have to picnic with your loved one at least once throughout your relationship. You get to be in nature which can actually be very refreshing and a change of pace from the business of daily life. Also, you can make inexpensive sandwiches and tasty snacks to share, and who doesn’t love that?

3. Exercise Date!

I know, it sounds horrible. Who likes to exercise? Well, working out with your significant other can actually be much more fun than you may perceive. Whether it is at the gym, at home, or on a run, you can motivate each other to be better, work harder, and hopefully get in better shape! When you’re bringing out the best in each other, the relationship can only become stronger, making not only your exercise dates more pleasant but also all other aspects of the relationship.

4. Puppies and Pet Stores

Who doesn’t love puppies? Take a trip to a local pet store or ASPCA with your significant other. Animals can make even the worst of days a little bit better. Take some time to play with the puppies, kitties, and other cute fluffy animals to boost your mood and spend some quality time with the one you love.

5. Dinner Dates (at home)

Going out to dinner is great, but it can get very expensive. By making your own meal at home, you can bond with your significant other as you struggle to cook. You still get to experience great food, but this time in the comfort of your own home. Also, you’ll have leftovers for a while, so even if you do have to spend a little extra, you will save on meals in the coming days.

Dates don’t always have to be elaborate expeditions to the most expensive restaurants or resorts. Looking for other types of ways to spend time with your significant other can be extremely fun and creative. These five options are just some of the numerous ways to really experience quality time with your favorite person.

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Related Content

Facebook Comments