The Cloak Of Invisibility: Sometimes I Feel Like A Loner

The Cloak Of Invisibility: Sometimes I Feel Like A Loner

Everyone feels alone at one time or another, so this is a poem about how my emotions eat me alive and spit me out...

Akil Webster
82

Uh, so this is kinda hard to write because that would require me to dig deeply into the blood-gushing wounds that I have imperfectly patched up with stitches and high-quality concealer, so the world would only see what I wanted them to.

I want them to see that I am a happy young college student who has it all figured out.

I want them to see that I have oh-so-much confidence and vigor and friendships and the motivation to be great.

I want them to see my dimple coated, mile-wide smile that greets everyone and anyone, showing kindness to those who need it and those who don't deserve it.

What they don't see is my struggle to create a happiness that I could only dream about.

What they don't see is my anxiety to make friends and my skepticism of confidence and vigor because I'm a shy young woman who hides behind a mask of giggles and smiles.

What they don't see is that I release my fears and anxiety through screaming at the top of my lungs and tears of insecurity that stream down from my puffy raw red eyes.

The truth is I am scared.

I feel alone when I am in good company and surrounded by the ones I hold dearest to my heart.

I feel like crying when I am having too good of a time because of my insecurity that something is going to go wrong.

And I feel like falling off the edge of a building or disappearing when I get worked up over the smallest thing or get stressed out because these feelings are too much for me to handle.

God, why do I feel this way when life has been nothing but pleasant to me?

I have lived a life that should not be taken for granted, yet I feel like I am alone in a world where no one understands me.

I need to accept this feeling and cope with my whirlwind of mood swinging emotions.

But, please I beg of you, tell me how...

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