Uh, so this is kinda hard to write because that would require me to dig deeply into the blood-gushing wounds that I have imperfectly patched up with stitches and high-quality concealer, so the world would only see what I wanted them to.
I want them to see that I am a happy young college student who has it all figured out.
I want them to see that I have oh-so-much confidence and vigor and friendships and the motivation to be great.
I want them to see my dimple coated, mile-wide smile that greets everyone and anyone, showing kindness to those who need it and those who don't deserve it.
What they don't see is my struggle to create a happiness that I could only dream about.
What they don't see is my anxiety to make friends and my skepticism of confidence and vigor because I'm a shy young woman who hides behind a mask of giggles and smiles.
What they don't see is that I release my fears and anxiety through screaming at the top of my lungs and tears of insecurity that stream down from my puffy raw red eyes.
The truth is I am scared.
I feel alone when I am in good company and surrounded by the ones I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like crying when I am having too good of a time because of my insecurity that something is going to go wrong.
And I feel like falling off the edge of a building or disappearing when I get worked up over the smallest thing or get stressed out because these feelings are too much for me to handle.
God, why do I feel this way when life has been nothing but pleasant to me?
I have lived a life that should not be taken for granted, yet I feel like I am alone in a world where no one understands me.
I need to accept this feeling and cope with my whirlwind of mood swinging emotions.
But, please I beg of you, tell me how...