140 Things I'd Rather Do Than Attend The University Of South Carolina
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Politics and Activism

140 Things I'd Rather Do Than Attend The University Of South Carolina

Take a shower in Johnstone.

140 Things I'd Rather Do Than Attend The University Of South Carolina

"They ain't Alabama. They ain't LSU. And they're certainly not Clemson. That's why Carolina's in Chapel Hill and USC's in California and the university in this state always has been, always will be Clemson." - Dabo Swinney

There’s nowhere quite like Clemson, and there’s especially no other place I’d rather call home. Even the thought of having to step foot on that campus in the “armpit of South Carolina” sends shudders down my spine. Here are 140 things I’d rather do than be a South Carolina student:

  1. Drive downtown during gameday
  2. Live in Johnstone
  3. Scrub the toilets in Johnstone
  4. Take a shower in Johnstone
  5. Have 8 ams Monday through Friday
  6. Have 8 ams for all four years of college
  7. Forget to brush my teeth before a date
  8. Take accounting again
  9. Eat at Schilletter for the rest of my life
  10. Serve Schilletter at my wedding
  11. Stop aging before I turn 21
  12. Jump off library bridge
  13. Go to Fike during its peak hours
  14. Try and find a table in Cooper during finals week
  15. Never take another nap
  16. Break both thumbs at the same time
  17. Break all the bones in my dominant hand
  18. Break all the bones in my non-dominant hand
  19. Break all the bones in my body
  20. Listen to a USC student try to explain why they’re better than us
  21. Never be able to afford a meal nicer than Ramen
  22. Switch my major to nuclear engineering
  23. Slam my hand in a car door
  24. Slam my face in a car door
  25. Eat broken glass
  26. Step on a Lego
  27. Never hear Morgan Freeman narrate a movie
  28. Stab myself in the eye with an epi pen
  29. Do a cartwheel shoeless on a ground covered in thumb tacks
  30. Find a needle in a haystack
  31. Kick a door with a toothpick under my toenail
  32. Rip off all of my toenails
  33. Always be hangry
  34. Delete my snapchat
  35. Take Dulcolax before an exam
  36. Always have my hair ties break after one use
  37. Hit my hip on the corner of a table every morning
  38. Hit my pinky toe on a desk leg every evening
  39. Hitchhike naked
  40. Be Hillary Clinton
  41. Be Donald Trump
  42. Be Melania Trump
  43. Share a taxi with Rush Limbaugh
  44. Box against Rocky
  45. Move back in with my parents
  46. Have octuplets
  47. Allow my boyfriend to go to a strip club
  48. Live out the rest of my life as a Lifetime movie plot
  49. Have Herbert the Pervert narrate my life
  50. Relive the worst day of my life
  51. Have a 15 page research paper due weekly until I die
  52. Clean up a frat house after a party
  53. Room with Hannibal Lecter
  54. Room with that clown dude from Saw
  55. Room with someone who doesn’t understand the concept of personal space
  56. Always have to scratch my butt
  57. Wear a bra that’s one size too small
  58. Never be allowed to take off my bra
  59. Teach my grandma how to use Twitter
  60. Allow my family to see my Twitter
  61. Allow my family to see my Snapchat story
  62. Never be able to eat meat again
  63. Find out I can’t consume gluten
  64. Never experience the joy that is garlic knots
  65. Break both thumbs at the same time
  66. Listen to Will Muschamp
  67. Redo my wisdom teeth surgery without anesthesia
  68. Experience period cramps every day for a month
  69. Experience period cramps every day for two months
  70. Experience period cramps the day of my wedding
  71. Forget the alphabet
  72. Lose a spelling bee competition to a first grader
  73. Actually keep up with the Kardashians
  74. Watch Dance Moms on a loop for two weeks
  75. Watch those sad dog commercials on a loop for two weeks
  76. Babysit Dennis the Menace
  77. Be that kid from Home Alone
  78. Have political debates with everyone I come in contact with
  79. Have political debates via Facebook every evening
  80. Give up soda
  81. Give up chicken nuggets
  82. Never eat at Chick Fil A again
  83. Have to repeat high school
  84. Have to repeat middle school
  85. Get explosive diarrhea on a date
  86. Be stuck only wearing outfits from the early 2000’s for the rest of my life
  87. Shave with a cheese grater
  88. Show my boyfriend my Facebook Statuses from middle school
  89. Only be able to text from a flip phone
  90. Have horrendous grammar
  91. Not know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’
  92. Drunk email my professors at 2 am
  93. Always have an ingrown toenail
  94. Be stuck in the DMV all day
  95. Let an 18 wheeler run over my leg
  96. Be forced to wear braces again
  97. Wake up in a foreign country
  98. Walk in downtown Columbia at night
  99. Give birth without an epidural
  100. Drink sulfuric acid
  101. Bathe in sulfuric acid
  102. Never be allowed to trim my fingernails below a length of 3 inches
  103. Have to rely solely on snail mail
  104. Cut my hair, immediately regret it, and have it never grow back to its original length
  105. Live on the 11th floor of a building that doesn’t have elevators
  106. Get stuck in an elevator with Kim Jong Un
  107. Carry my laundry to the laundromat and then realize I forgot my detergent
  108. Get to the gym and realize I forgot my headphones
  109. Give up my childhood stuffed animals
  110. Give up my childhood blankie
  111. Tear my hamstring
  112. Run a marathon with a broken ankle
  113. Use lemon juice as eye drops
  114. Only be able to wear pant suits for the remainder of my days
  115. Be allergic to dogs
  116. Use toilet paper dipped in hot sauce
  117. Be a stockbroker in 1929
  118. Be a stockholder in 1929
  119. Date Josh Pilz
  120. Get a tattoo while drunk
  121. Get a tattoo from a drunk tattoo artist
  122. Get a tattoo from a drunk
  123. Get a hockey puck to the face
  124. Get a nosebleed everytime I lie
  125. Have to sleep in a lofted bed for the rest of my life
  126. Always chip my nails 30 minutes after leaving the salon
  127. Always under dress to professional events
  128. Always over dress for casual events
  129. Always wear flip flops
  130. Wear sweatpants everyday during a South Carolina summer
  131. Work in the food industry for the rest of my life (the general public can be horrible to waiters/waitresses)
  132. Never be able to take another bubble bath
  133. Never be able to wear fuzzy socks
  134. Never win at anything ever again (I’m very competitive)
  135. Never look at another meme again
  136. Get stuck on the top of a loop the loop
  137. Give up all of my Bath and Body Works hand sanitizers
  138. Never go to another free tee shirt event again
  139. Retake Biology
  140. Spend four years at Clemson and never get to meet Dabo
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