140 Things I'd Rather Do Than Attend The University Of South Carolina

"They ain't Alabama. They ain't LSU. And they're certainly not Clemson. That's why Carolina's in Chapel Hill and USC's in California and the university in this state always has been, always will be Clemson." - Dabo Swinney

There’s nowhere quite like Clemson, and there’s especially no other place I’d rather call home. Even the thought of having to step foot on that campus in the “armpit of South Carolina” sends shudders down my spine. Here are 140 things I’d rather do than be a South Carolina student:

1. Drive downtown during gameday
2. Live in Johnstone
3. Scrub the toilets in Johnstone
4. Take a shower in Johnstone
5. Have 8 ams Monday through Friday
6. Have 8 ams for all four years of college
7. Forget to brush my teeth before a date
8. Take accounting again
9. Eat at Schilletter for the rest of my life
10. Serve Schilletter at my wedding
11. Stop aging before I turn 21
12. Jump off library bridge
13. Go to Fike during its peak hours
14. Try and find a table in Cooper during finals week
15. Never take another nap
16. Break both thumbs at the same time
17. Break all the bones in my dominant hand
18. Break all the bones in my non-dominant hand
19. Break all the bones in my body
20. Listen to a USC student try to explain why they’re better than us
21. Never be able to afford a meal nicer than Ramen
22. Switch my major to nuclear engineering
23. Slam my hand in a car door
24. Slam my face in a car door
25. Eat broken glass
26. Step on a Lego
27. Never hear Morgan Freeman narrate a movie
28. Stab myself in the eye with an epi pen
29. Do a cartwheel shoeless on a ground covered in thumb tacks
30. Find a needle in a haystack
31. Kick a door with a toothpick under my toenail
32. Rip off all of my toenails
33. Always be hangry
34. Delete my snapchat
35. Take Dulcolax before an exam
36. Always have my hair ties break after one use
37. Hit my hip on the corner of a table every morning
38. Hit my pinky toe on a desk leg every evening
39. Hitchhike naked
40. Be Hillary Clinton
41. Be Donald Trump
42. Be Melania Trump
43. Share a taxi with Rush Limbaugh
44. Box against Rocky
45. Move back in with my parents
46. Have octuplets
47. Allow my boyfriend to go to a strip club
48. Live out the rest of my life as a Lifetime movie plot
49. Have Herbert the Pervert narrate my life
50. Relive the worst day of my life
51. Have a 15 page research paper due weekly until I die
52. Clean up a frat house after a party
53. Room with Hannibal Lecter
54. Room with that clown dude from Saw
55. Room with someone who doesn’t understand the concept of personal space
56. Always have to scratch my butt
57. Wear a bra that’s one size too small
58. Never be allowed to take off my bra
59. Teach my grandma how to use Twitter
60. Allow my family to see my Twitter
61. Allow my family to see my Snapchat story
62. Never be able to eat meat again
63. Find out I can’t consume gluten
64. Never experience the joy that is garlic knots
65. Break both thumbs at the same time
66. Listen to Will Muschamp
67. Redo my wisdom teeth surgery without anesthesia
68. Experience period cramps every day for a month
69. Experience period cramps every day for two months
70. Experience period cramps the day of my wedding
71. Forget the alphabet
72. Lose a spelling bee competition to a first grader
73. Actually keep up with the Kardashians
74. Watch Dance Moms on a loop for two weeks
75. Watch those sad dog commercials on a loop for two weeks
76. Babysit Dennis the Menace
77. Be that kid from Home Alone
78. Have political debates with everyone I come in contact with
79. Have political debates via Facebook every evening
80. Give up soda
81. Give up chicken nuggets
82. Never eat at Chick Fil A again
83. Have to repeat high school
84. Have to repeat middle school
85. Get explosive diarrhea on a date
86. Be stuck only wearing outfits from the early 2000’s for the rest of my life
87. Shave with a cheese grater
88. Show my boyfriend my Facebook Statuses from middle school
89. Only be able to text from a flip phone
90. Have horrendous grammar
91. Not know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’
92. Drunk email my professors at 2 am
93. Always have an ingrown toenail
94. Be stuck in the DMV all day
95. Let an 18 wheeler run over my leg
96. Be forced to wear braces again
97. Wake up in a foreign country
98. Walk in downtown Columbia at night
99. Give birth without an epidural
100. Drink sulfuric acid
101. Bathe in sulfuric acid
102. Never be allowed to trim my fingernails below a length of 3 inches
103. Have to rely solely on snail mail
104. Cut my hair, immediately regret it, and have it never grow back to its original length
105. Live on the 11th floor of a building that doesn’t have elevators
106. Get stuck in an elevator with Kim Jong Un
107. Carry my laundry to the laundromat and then realize I forgot my detergent
108. Get to the gym and realize I forgot my headphones
109. Give up my childhood stuffed animals
110. Give up my childhood blankie
111. Tear my hamstring
112. Run a marathon with a broken ankle
113. Use lemon juice as eye drops
114. Only be able to wear pant suits for the remainder of my days
115. Be allergic to dogs
116. Use toilet paper dipped in hot sauce
117. Be a stockbroker in 1929
118. Be a stockholder in 1929
119. Date Josh Pilz
120. Get a tattoo while drunk
121. Get a tattoo from a drunk tattoo artist
122. Get a tattoo from a drunk
123. Get a hockey puck to the face
124. Get a nosebleed everytime I lie
125. Have to sleep in a lofted bed for the rest of my life
126. Always chip my nails 30 minutes after leaving the salon
127. Always under dress to professional events
128. Always over dress for casual events
129. Always wear flip flops
130. Wear sweatpants everyday during a South Carolina summer
131. Work in the food industry for the rest of my life (the general public can be horrible to waiters/waitresses)
132. Never be able to take another bubble bath
133. Never be able to wear fuzzy socks
134. Never win at anything ever again (I’m very competitive)
135. Never look at another meme again
136. Get stuck on the top of a loop the loop
137. Give up all of my Bath and Body Works hand sanitizers
138. Never go to another free tee shirt event again
139. Retake Biology
140. Spend four years at Clemson and never get to meet Dabo