First, I want you to start by painting a scenario in your head. You see this adorable puppy and you want to pet the dog — because who wouldn’t want to pet it? Do you think it would be wise to approach the puppy in a guarded, nervous, or anxious approach? Or how about you go to pet it and get the dog all excited, and then just walk away from it because you aren’t sure what to do? No, because the dog is going to feed off of that energy that you are putting off, and most likely that interaction won’t go as well as you would like it to.

So why are we approaching are relationships in the same way? Why are we putting all of our guards up and playing games in relationships? I say that we need to stop. We need to stop doing all these little things that are ruining dating for almost everyone. It is time that we get rid of these stupid relationship rules that we all have in our heads. Stop being afraid of the dog, and just love it.

Let us start with the most common dating rule that I know of, the three day rule. This is some serious bullshit. Why should we wait three days to talk to someone that we actually like? What is the point of that? I get that we don’t want to come across as “desperate” and all that jazz, but making little to no effort gives the whole opposite view; and that is uninterested. So quit waiting to text back; if you like someone make the effort to let them know.

This next rule applies to mostly women, but I know some guys that are just as guilty of it. The “not texting first” rule. This might be as bad, if not worse, than the 3 day rule. If you and the person that you like both have it in your head that you are not going to be the first one to text , how are you ever even going to have a conversation? Someone is going to have to text first if you want any sort of communication what so ever. And ladies, why can’t it be you who texts first? Seriously, get some confidence and own it. You want something to happen you can’t just always sit back and wait for it.

Sitting back and waiting for something is going to be the next thing I address. While this isn’t really a “rule”; it is an attitude most of us have about dating anyone. Let’s say we get interested in someone, and then we go with this whole attitude of just letting things happen as they may. That is great and all, and I am all for going with the flow. But that doesn’t mean we should stop putting in the effort to make it happen. We all want these Noah and Allie, Notebook like relationships but we are not willing to take the big leaps. Noah climbed a damn Ferris Wheel just to get Allie to go on a date with him, and you are too scared to text first still.

Another game we need to stop doing is lying about what we actually want in a relationship. And this scenario I am about to tell you about is one that I have actually heard way too much about. We have all seen the movie friends with benefits or at least get the main gist of the movie. You start hooking up with someone planning it to all be very casual, and you both end up falling for each other because you have such good chemistry. OK, first, your life is not a fucking movie; sorry but someone had to tell you. Second, this doesn’t happen. I know so many girls that have gone into “casual” things and agreeing for it to be that, only for the main fact of wanting this to happen. Just no. You want that? Then what you really want is a relationship and you need to be open about that fact.

Next, I am sick of all these passive aggressive posts we have when we like someone; and believe me I know I have been guilty of it, but still. We start posting songs, or statuses, or reposts about what we want out of our situations; but we DON’T TELL THE PERSON WHAT WE ACTUALLY WANT. We just expect them to know because we have been posting it all over our social media. Well congratulations that you’re a social media whore right now because you’re feeling some type of way, but not everyone is all over social media all the time. And even if they were, how the hell are they supposed to know that what you posted is about them? Subtweeting about someone? Just send them a text and be like “Hey, this upset me.” Stop being afraid to share your feelings and just be open and honest with the person.

Another thing, stop putting yourself in the exact same situations over and over again and telling yourself that this time is “different”. No, if it was different then the whole situation would be different. Not just the outcome.

I could go on and on about all the things that people do instead of actually acting like they like someone. We fight our feelings because we are scared. Everyone has been hurt, and there is always a chance of getting hurt. If you never take the chance then you are just hurting yourself by not being open to something that could be pretty wonderful.

I get that we are all inherently selfish and we want to be single or focus on our own lives, or we want our relationships to happen in a way we control. There are so many problems with this; you cannot help when you get feelings for someone but you can help whether you are willing to do something about it. It might be so much “fun” to be single, but it is also great to have someone there to have fun with.

So STOP. Stop waiting to text. Stop making no effort. Stop expecting everything to just happen, and go out and make it happen. If you TRULY like someone, you will find a way to put them in your life; and stop making so many damn excuses. Your phone is probably in your hand right now, stop with the bullshit, text your person, and stop making them wonder if you actually like them. Make it happen people, and get ready for some wonderful raw, unfiltered REAL relationships.