Below is a series of poems that I created addressing different types of love (familial, friends, relationship, and self-love) based on my experiences of phases in my life. Hopefully some or all of them speak to you.
When you’re a baby
Everyone loves you.
You’re so small and questioning.
You meet each family member and each friend
With the same wide eyed stare.
Everyone’s given the same chance to make it as a baby.
Because love is never-ending
Until it ends.
And one by one connections are severed.
As you learn how the world works.
I can talk now.
I can say both of those words.
I can walk too.
I can make a friend.
I just went up to this girl and asked her to be my friend.
And now she is.
So that’s that.
I have friends.
I have family.
I have blankets and a bin full of stuffed animal dogs.
Ready to take on whatever comes next.
I just got seven teeth pulled and I can only eat ice cream.
Ms. Hoyt just told some kid that he should be in a padded hospital room.
I heard something about boobahs.
I really want pizza.
But my stomach really hurts.
Sometimes I think that I’ll die in my sleep so I don’t sleep.
I hyperventilate a lot too and the doctors say something about anxiety.
My mom gets mad when I worry a lot.
My teacher usually calls me in at recess and tells me that I should have more than one friend.
But I like my one friend.
We play Mary Kate and Ashley together.
And then my other friend gets jealous and gets mad at me for not hanging out with her
God, it’s hard to be a third grader.
Why don’t I look like everyone else or think like everyone else or walk like everyone else.
My mom doesn’t get it and neither does my dad and my brothers just watch while I walk around angry.
Because I don’t belong here and every time I try to stand out I’m told to sit down so why don’t I just stop moving.
I’ll stand here and not eat and not breathe and not sleep and cry but not feel anything and become one of them.
I thought I loved you.
I thought we were gonna get married and everything
And that you would “love” me throughout everything but then you didn’t.
So I moved on and I kept moving on and I still am but I know now.
I love my mom and my dad and my brothers.
I love the friends I’ve made and I miss the friends I’ve lost
I love my home and Concord even though it sucks sometimes
And I might have loved you but I don’t know anymore.
Because the rest of it is so clear and what we had isn’t and I don’t know if it ever will be or I’ll just remember it as euphoria.
Lots of hate.
But also love.
Lots of 3 a.m. texts that you don’t mean.
Or that you do.
People taking shots and crying
You don’t really have a family but you really do.
Because that one night when your parents would be tired or angry
Your friends are there with circles under their eyes but fire in their hearts.
And that one day when you just don’t think you can do it anymore
There are twenty people saying that you can.
Finals suck and boys suck and you’ll scream and you’ll want to give up but you won’t.
You will keep going.
(To be continued as life goes on...)