Chronic Best Friend Withdrawal: An Epidemic

Chronic Best Friend Withdrawal: An Epidemic

The Perpetual Agony of Missing Your High School Besties

The flu? Bring it on. The stomach virus? Piece of cake. But when it comes to Chronic Best Friend Withdrawal, I think the paramedics need to get involved. If you’ve got friends as good as mine, you're probably suffering from Chronic Best Friend Withdrawal (CBW, for short) as we speak. What exactly is CBW, you may ask. Technically speaking, WebMD defines CBW as the perpetual agony of missing your high school best friends. Studies have shown the condition is most prevalent in the first semester College Freshmen and its severity is directly proportional to the quality of the friend in question.

As a victim of CBW, I can confirm that this ailment is serious, due to the serious awesomeness of my high school best friends. At its height, CBW results in drop-everything phone calls and impulsive urges to send care packages. If you have experienced the symptoms below, you might be afflicted with CBW.

  1. Dreadful Revelations: Sudden realizations that you won’t be with your high school best friends for longer than a few weeks at a time can result in overwhelming dizziness. Doctors recommend taking 10 deep breaths and sitting down while processing this sad truth. In high school we’re used to seeing our best friends all day, every day, between school and weekend fun. And now you’re telling us we’ll see them for a day over Thanksgiving break and a couple weeks around Christmas time? What kind of cruel nonsense is this? Like all chronic conditions, there’s no end in sight to the new reality of being without your best friends.
  1. Uncomfortable Loneliness: CBW will hit the hardest when you’re cracking up about something your best friend would also find hilarious and you turn to share a laugh and—oh wait… she’s not there. #Awkward. By the time you call and tell her all about the kid that just did parkour in the student lounge, your story has lost all hilarity, and you realize, to your despair, that it was a total had-to-be-there moment.
  1. Unintentional Comparison: Without a doubt, college friends super amazing, exciting, and not to be discounted in the slightest. I know they will be forever friends, and I can’t wait for the memories to come. But naturally, you find yourself comparing them to friends back home. “Hmmm… she seems a lot like ____,” or “I wish she knew me as well as _____ does.” Experts in the field encourage resisting this tendency. Comparison never does any good, and it will just make you miss your high school friends more.
  1. Occasional Jealousy: Whether we like to admit it or not, we all feel slight pangs when we see pictures of our friends with their new friends at college. When our CBW is in full swing, social media sometimes has the power to convince us we’re being replaced. Of course we know that's silly and untrue, but we can’t help but miss them anyway. And we envy the strangers in the photos who are lucky enough to party and dance and sing and laugh with our best friends.
  1. Compulsive Acts of Love: You’re scrolling through your camera roll on your phone and boom—you accidentally see the video from prom weekend at the shore of you and your bestie dancing to Taylor Swift. You recall that everything was perfect in that moment, and the memories come flooding back as fast as the tears rolled down your faces during your overly-dramatic goodbye with your BFF before leaving for college. After viewing the video, naturally you bomb her phone with heartfelt text messages of your eternal love and make plans to send heaps of cookies her way.

There is no cure for Chronic Best Friend Withdrawal, but we’re not so sure we’d like one. Although we suffer the void of missing our homies, we know we’re the lucky ones because we have something so rare and special. We have lifelong friendships, bonds we wouldn’t trade for the world, people who will always have our backs. Though the old saying is corny, I’ve found tremendous comfort in its accuracy: True friends are never apart, maybe in distance, but never at heart.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Tanya Gold, Your Fatphobic Article Is Uneducated And Arrogant

BREAKING NEWS: Women come in all different shapes and sizes!


Just recently, Nike released a plus-size mannequin at one of their stores in London that showed off their plus-size leggings and sports bra. And, because we live in a world where being fat or overweight or obese is somehow the worst thing in the world to some people, this has sparked a lot of discussion.

Tanya Gold wrote an article for The Telegraph saying that this mannequin “cannot run" and is “likely pre-diabetic" and “on her way to a hip-replacement." Not only is Tanya's article uneducated and poorly written, it's completely fatphobic and embarrassing.

What I would like to know is this: why can't plus-size women work out in Nike clothes just like a size 2 woman? People want to scream from the rooftops that plus-size women are fat because they don't exercise and when companies FINALLY start catering to plus-size women with clothes they can EXERCISE IN, people lose their minds and think that they're promoting obesity.

What are plus sized women supposed to work out in if they can't even wear Nike leggings without being fat-shamed?

Would you rather them wear jeans? Overalls? A parka, maybe? What about a garbage bag?

Let's also discuss the fact that being overweight doesn't equal being unhealthy, just like being at a “normal" weight doesn't make you healthy. Did you ever stop to think that some women have diseases that make them gain weight that they, in return, can't lose? Some women can eat salad for every single meal, seven days a week and they still can't lose weight.

Let's all say this together: SIZE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FITNESS. Being thin doesn't equal being healthy and being overweight doesn't equal being unhealthy.

Everyone (and yes, I mean EVERYONE) should be able to be comfortable in their own skin AND in their clothes.

You can't sit and pout saying that fat people don't care about their health and then when they want comfortable clothes to wear while they're EXERCISING, hell has frozen over and how dare Nike cater to people who aren't a size 2.

Tanya, be honest with yourself. You aren't anywhere near a size 2, either, so where is all of this coming from? Are you self-loathing? Do you have some kind of internal fatphobia?

Pick a side, Tanya. You can't hate people who are overweight because you think that they aren't exercising and then when they do exercise and they get clothes that cater to them, it's all of the sudden wrong and horrible.

We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. As if women (and men) weren't already being shamed enough for being plus size, we're now being made to feel bad because a brand caters to our size so we can wear the same clothes all of the other sizes can wear.

Thank you, Nike, for making your brand more inclusive for all shapes and sizes so we can ALL feel confident in our clothes.

I think it's worth mentioning that Nike released their plus-size line in 2017 AKA 2 years ago... Why weren't you mad then?

Oh, and, Tanya Gold, you might want to stop smoking since you're all about being healthy, right? You don't want to get lung cancer or anything, do you?

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