It was a fateful day in August when Chick Fil A committed a crime against humanity. The world was left to suffer with no end in sight. "Creative geniuses" had used their "talents" to change the recipes of our beloved sauces. The classic ranch, buffalo, and barbeque sauce were tampered with. Our nugs were no longer safe. As expected the country rioted in response to the horrors. One man in Oklahoma was quoted saying "This is trash, I can't believe this, I just want my old sauces back". Grant Collins grew up in Yukon, Oklahoma and has spent his life loving and judging sauces around the country. He titled himself "The Sauce Guy" as he only enjoys the finest sauces that life has to offer. After this tragedy known as SauceGate, Grant was left heartbroken, longing for simpler days when his nugs could be dipped in the perfect sauces of Chick Fil A.
Well, Grant, I have great news for you... THE SAUCE IS COMING BACK! After public outrage the company was forced to rethink their "million dollar idea". News stations across the continent ran with the glorious headlines of change. Guess what buddy the barbeque is coming back. Say goodbye to the sub-quality and disastrous Smokehouse BBQ. You can rest easy again knowing your perfect crispy lil nugs can be dipped in the sweet bliss of BBQ.
The company released a video on facebook announcing the news of the return of the BBQ on October 11th. They claim they heard us, yet have they? Listen I'm all for bringing back that barb but let's be real here the BBQ isn't even that good to begin with. Chick Fil A bring back my dang ranch, please! I don't need to be running around town with my breath smelling like some dang garlic clove. There are no vampires hiding out that I need to ward off. There is nothing that benefits from this jank garlicky crap you are trying to pass off as great. I'm not the only person who feels this way either. Grant thinks your ranch is one of the worst things he's ever dipped his nugs in (and he used to only use ketchup). Bring your scrubo idea team back into the office and look them in the eyes and fire all of them. Take away their degrees even this is straight up treason. Our country is going through enough right now with this horrendous election. We should be able to dip our comforting nugs in some gosh darn good ole buttermilk ranch. Who do you think you are Chick Fil A? You were perfect!!!! There was no reason to change. McDonalds had to change their sauces because every time I dipped a nug or fry into their sauce it came out tasting like I was using spoiled milk and slug juice, but yours was like God had reached down and given me the sauce himself. Stop lowering yourself to compete with a stupid clown and a "king" who serves $1.49 "nuggets". You're Chick Fil A for crying out loud! BRING BACK THE RANCH HOMIES.
