There may or may not have been a time when you remember your parents being in love. Maybe they used to kiss each other goodbye on their way to work, or act lively on all of those family vacations when you were younger. But now, it’s like they’re two strangers and the only thing connecting them, is you.
Having divorced parents isn’t easy, and it comes with it’s fair share of struggles that end with deep rooted anxiety and having no faith in the success of relationships. But ya know, whatever, no biggie.
The first thing that you have to go through is what I like to call the “awk transition stage” where your parents tell you they are separating, and they probably still live under the same roof. How do you act in that situation? It’s just plain weird and uncomfortable for everybody involved.
Then there’s the worst part: moving. Like all things in divorce, this is different for everybody. Some parents may already live in separate places so this part may not even be in the equation. However, other families may have to split up completely, deciphering who gets what and who goes where and most importantly, where the pets go!!!
This is so stressful, and yes mom and dad, we know it’s not our fault. Despite this, divorce inadvertently puts a large burden on the kids. Children of divorce are often seen as an unfortunate variable in a faulty equation. Fifty percent of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, which is absolutely insane. No wonder it’s so common to bond with people whose parents aren’t together.
Whether divorced, separated, or simply fighting, we all know the struggle. When you have to figure out who to spend your time with on the weekends, weekdays, months, summers, holidays, the list goes on and on. Not to mention, if you are equally bonded to both parents, you don’t want to make them feel bad if you don’t pick them. And the worst case scenario is when the court decides who gets custody, which leaves you no voice at all.
The question “Mom’s or Dad’s?” is frequently buzzing around children of divorce, as well as the problems associated with miscommunication. The problem with many divorces is that the parents don’t communicate well, which becomes a huge issue when it comes to things that would seem so simple for “regular” families. Instead of just asking your mom for money, you may have to ask your dad or vice versa. Maybe you have to get a paper signed by both parents but you won’t be at your dads until the weekend. Of course, there are bigger problems, but let’s just leave it at that for now.
While there are countless struggles associated with being a child of divorce, kids with divorced parents are some of the most compassionate, empathetic, strong individuals. What sets us apart from kids of “regular” families are our perseverance and ability to overcome unpredictable challenges. Countless studies have shown that there are academic problems associated with kids while their parents are separating. While this may not be true for all kids, it just adds another list of problems students have to deal with on the stressful path to high school, college and a career. We have to put in the work and focus to stay on top of all of their school work, jobs, extra-curricular activities in addition to our parent's logistical calendars.
We can pack for a trip like it’s nobody’s business because we have so much experience going back and forth from house to house. And even though you may feel more “homey” at the house you grew up in, it is kind of nice to get a change of scenery every now and again, right? And ya know, we are now more organized and better with time management because we are constantly planning ahead when you have to communicate between two parents like a little messenger.
The reason fifty percent of marriages end in divorce is because the two people involved are unhappy in their situation. By getting a divorce, parents have a second chance at happiness and love. Many parents remarry or find other partners that can offer them a whole new perspective of their lives. A positive outcome for us kids is that we get to have even more role models and adults in our lives that we can look up to for guidance and support. Shout out to the step-parents of the world who treat us like we are their own.
There are so many positives and negatives of divorce, but one thing is certain: the kids involved more deeply understand love and not only it's complications and consequences, but the delightful changes love can bring. So to all the kids that made it to where you are today with divorced parents, congratulations you successful human, you.
