I have 372 Facebook friends and my new profile picture just hit 31 likes.
Sometimes I have to mute messenger notifications because I just get so many.
I have a Snapchat streak that's 584 days (and counting) and six others that are on their way.
I can't go to my classes without someone saying "hi" or "you look great today" or "I missed you. How are you?"
But I am so lonely.
I have 372 Facebook friends, but at night when I'm in bed, I shake and gasp for air because I can't stop crying and sobbing over the idea that at the end of the day, I am alone.
My new profile picture just hit 31 likes, but I get off Facebook and look at my face in the mirror and I can't understand why anyone would hit like when I would rather hit myself full speed with an oncoming car.
I get Beaucoup messages with funny pictures or memes, but I wish someone would get the message that I'm never happy, even when I'm laughing, even when I'm asleep. I am never happy.
I have Snapchat streaks that would make other people jealous, but the second I try to dig a little deeper, they log off. Because carrying on a conversation is so much more work than just sending a picture of their ceiling and watching the number climb.
I can't go into a class without someone saying "Hi, how are you," but if the answer is anything other than "I'm doing great. How are you," they get uncomfortable because it is a formality and nothing more. No one wants to hear your struggles. They only want to talk about theirs. They ask how you are not because they truly want to know, but because they want to talk about theirs. No one wants to listen, we all just want to talk.
We forget that just because someone smiles at us when we pass them on the street, that doesn't necessarily mean they're okay.
I could have tears running down my face, but I will smile at you when I see you in passing because that's what humans do.
We want to believe that everything's okay and no one else is going through the pain that we're going through.
We focus on the sobbers, the ones who don't leave their rooms, the ones who wear long sleeves in the summertime; but we forget that there are ones who only cry when they're alone, who are involved in every activity you can think of, who know how to strategically place self-harm marks so you can't see them no matter what they wear.
Take the time out of your day to check on your strong friends because maybe someday, they aren't so strong and could really use someone to lean on.